A few of my favorite things

So. Once upon a time I started this series of posts called “Smiley Things” and then I realized that was a silly name so I changed it.

Basically, this is a collection – which I will do on occasion – of things I currently enjoy or have found elsewhere on the Internets and think are like the coolest things ever.

So here’s the rebranded Smiley Things. A little longer than usual ’cause I feel bad for being MIA for so long (I have a guilty conscience. I’m working on it.) And this post is complete with a bit of a tease to the next post I’ll be working on. (10 points if you guess what it is).

“You dirt-eating piece of slime. You scum-sucking pig. You son of a motherless goat.”

Amazing Muppet art.

There are decent people left in the world. Something that is always important to remember.

SOMEONE BUY ME THIS ASAP

What in thunderation? I will be working a few of these into my vocabulary. Maybe.

tumblr_mjrkrir78J1r2hltno1_500
The above amazingness can be found here: Disney Gents From Last Night.

I have a poster of the London Underground already, but this is amazing.

Have I ever linked to this? Even if I have, it’s necessary enough to be done twice.

All the single ladies..

A combination of two of the greatest shows currently on television.


“That’s so Reagan.”

Happy Place usually has some great stuff. This doesn’t disappoint. So glad that Kentucky’s not the only one that came up with that result.

I’d like any or all of these shirts, thanks.
shirts

As if I needed another reason to love Tom Hardy… 

New favorite meme. I would like to come up with a meme in my lifetime. One that gets all famous and whatnot. Wish I’d thought of this one, but I’d have to be MUCH better at photoshop than I currently am.

Beautiful. Hey girl.

For Sami.

Al Pacino yells a lot.

This is my friend. Not Justin Timberlake. I know it might be hard to tell the difference once you watch this.

My goal is to be on this list one day. And I feel like I could get there, since, ya know, this happened:
Screen shot 2013-04-30 at 10.52.14 PM

And like 20 people favorited it – 20 people I don’t even know. So, I mean, I’m basically famous now.

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Sounds familiar XIV

There are at least three on here that I believe the person I said it sounds like has actually sent. Seriously.

Sounds like… Me
(603): He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.

(605): You were throwing up and said, “Wipe my face, I must look presentable at all times.”.

(705): You hid from a cop under some guy’s canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work.

(830): No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted “JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT” and everyone started doing them with her.

(570): Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like “pencil sharpener.” Damn rosetta stone.

(716): i looked at my phone & had a message that said “tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath.” I give you props.

(715): How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I’m anxious about it.

(406): Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift.

(717): Leave the bottle at home cause either way I’m not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
(1-717): Gold star for you, but I’m on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.

(304): The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I’d take care of my friends puke.

(304) I love you more than champagne and correct grammar

(507) Dear everyone. As mark stated I did the ‘piss n run’ last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. “If I could turn back time” – cher

(916) I told you I would drunk text you sometime… it’s that time.

(724) I’m drunk and confused. there might be a four-year-old here.

(512) he said something along the lines of “fish can smell fear.”

Sounds like… Rachel
(478): He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.

(678): Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out “I don’t have AIDS”.

(406): K, so let’s go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea.

(519): He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.

(283): He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score though.

(805): Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases… and like 30 people drank it all?
(313): Everything hurts.

(703): No. I’m wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me.

(269) I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. stay tuned.

(401) I just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love october.

(267) your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats.

(773) why didn’t you say something constructive, like, “Stop chugging that vodka”?

Sounds like… Sami
(+44): you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?

(404): my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.

(513): Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled “2010” on it from you in the mail?

(508) help help how do I get him away from me should I talk in a robot voice or something

(859) they seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. i love college.

(+44) Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future.

Sounds like… Anthony
(570): Chicken wings don’t come back up an through your nose as easily as you’d think.

(781): I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.

(860): I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs.

(936): You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper’s clevage and said “Keep this warm for me.

(734) if my nicknames are based on what i throw up, you can call me Jimmy John’s.

(804) I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. fuck a serving size

(610) you’re the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I’m OK.

Sounds like… Jennifer
(330): Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.

(406): You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
(1-406): That literally makes no sense
(406): Exactly.

(306): Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.

(724): Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy’s in the shitter.

(506): Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident.

(501): You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I’m wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a “Puke Me Pretty” Barbie.

(304) call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.

Sounds like… Liz
(808): Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.

(412): I made a Wendy’s employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night.

(216): I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair.

(780): let’s see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING.

(503): Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol.

(910): Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst… Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it’s obsession with chewing on cardboard…. Time for a nap.

(919): I have been drinking since 2. And I’m now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna’s helping.

(614): Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar.

(217) win + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.

(914) There’s a girl in my class named “La-a” pronounced “Luh Dash uh” I hate everyone.

(515) you ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune and 1 deal or no deal ….by yourself with sound effects and music included.

(831) tequila shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better.

Sounds like…Sammi
(609) we tried to pick out bridesmaids dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?

10. Count ’em.

First of all, I can’t believe we went this long into this month before I remembered I owed y’all one of these. Note to self: do not make habits of neglecting regular features. And this is the 10th one, so I should have done something awesome like post it for 10/10 at 10:10 or something equally as cheezy. Unrelated, I totally know what I’m doing about Part 11.

So, without further ado, here’s your monthly fix. Also, forgive me if you’ve seen any of these before. New settings on the phone and previous saved TFLN favorites were deleted. GASP!

Sounds like…Me
(540) We managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. Don’t hate.

(606) I don’t know what it is about vodka that makes me ruin relationships.
(720) turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card “must have been stolen.”

(404) I’m at Taco Bell and they have a hiring sign asking “Do you like to melt things?” Clearly they only want the ambitious.

(269) I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by Xanax.

(803) For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer….

(703) I can’t believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.

(256) You were saying “I am the vodka queen!” and then in a different voice replying to yourself “All hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!

(617): What time did you start drinking?
(978): Maybe.
(617): Maybe isn’t a time…

(856): i’m just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.

(814): I’m not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i’ll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt.

(724) also, I may or may not be wearing a cape right now. Hint: I am.

(541) I’m not leaving bed today. And I guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not be named. I’m a piece of work.

(313) so brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don’t live here. I drank it.

(708) either she doesn’t know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll or I just saw a 60-year-old on a walk of shame.

(406) as it would turn out, “jesussssssss” is not the password to enter faith chapel’s wifi network.

Sounds like…Sami
(541) My math teacher staples Burger King applications to failed tests.

(317) Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I’m walking down the street.

(404) Just took a career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.

(631) Our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. Welcome to college.

(405) I’m at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.

(412) there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing “tryna catch me ridin dirty”

Sounds like…Jennifer
(+44) Ideas for Halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.

Sounds like…Rachel
(925) “Ever since I killed her kid she be actin’ shady.” Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.

(801) Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes.

(310) It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots.

(850) Lesson #67 learned in college: a three-day old margarita, is still a margarita

(248) New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.

(828) if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.

(720) you should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes I did just turn that into a verb.

Sounds like…Caitlin
(267) Just realized I can abbreviate Thomas Paine as T Pain in poli theory class notes…YES.

(617) I wish life was like Dora the Explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you.

Sounds like..Anthony
(612) I’m convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person..

(480) I am in Macy’s and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.

(443) where are you?
(240) hypothermia

(250) i just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shitting in our ocean.

Sounds like…Liz
(905) I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can’t really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.

(210) Apparently, I kept going on about how I’m going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.

(502) WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!?

(512) I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective.

(814) i’m thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles

(650) we should be flying in to LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign.
(562) you can’t even see the f-ing Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo.

Sounds familiar V

I’ve been saving this up for a while, so I would have a special present to give you all to read during lil’ blog’s birthday week. You can thank me later.

We’re at number 5. Or the FIF. See, Chappelle knows what I’m talkin’ about.

For the fifth time – ’cause here’s one, two, three and four – I’ve compiled all the texts from TFLN that sound like my friends. And there are some great ones.

Get ready to live.

Sounds like….CKR
(206) A homeless man downtown was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. Kind of wanted to give him my life savings.

(410) I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed…and my facebook status was “pepperonis.”

(504) I’m buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO’S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.

(605) For future reference, when you see people who  look like Rosie O’Donnell, don’t tell them they look like Rosie O’Donnell.

(732) I just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.

(919) Apparently I signed “I love you” on my bar tab last night.

(516) There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face.

(609) He looks like Spence from the game Dreamphone.

(609) I’M SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
(1-609) I don’t want it.

(972) **i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUtee tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**

(724) This chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.

(859) I didn’t know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.

(613) Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair

(330) It’s just like the Real World with babies.

(512) I want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I’m to the anger phase.

(303) I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window

(224) I won’t be hard to find. I’m wearing a Darth Vader mask and I have a megaphone.

(214) New beer pong partner names “Bus Boys” …we clear tables

(703) i like how the only thing you spelled correctly is “i’m tequila”

(484) you know what i hate about salt? you can’t see it.

(603) i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol.

(859) IF CHARLIE SHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSIONAL

(217) wine + wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke

(269) today as a vday present for myself i am walking in between any couples I see on campus.

(214) I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse.

(989) I can’t believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day

(804) so I just shotgunned a water balloon.

(260) you called me and cried until I agreed to record a rap about our lives with you.

(416) you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.

(609) you kept searching pizza on Facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it.

(917) i just saw how many times I called you last night. you’re welcome.

(919) we took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.

(510) and then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn’t get you cheese fries.

(407) he had on Juicy sweatpants and that’s when I knew he was no longer a threat.

(904):I’ve been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for “Everybody”. That’s unsettling.
(1-904):It’s unsettling that you took the time to think about that.

(917): And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.

Sounds like…Rachel
(708) For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night…

(413) you know it’s time to start studying when you’ve procrastinated to the point where you’re reading your roommate’s ex-boyfriend’s wall posts from 2006.

(571) found POGS while i  was cleaning my room this morning. definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.

(607) i just found a half-inch of mimosa in my shoe.
(1-864) you should get more absorbent shoes.

(250) tequila makes me forget i have legs.

(215) i think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket.

(973) you know that saying beer than liquor makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up a lot, everywhere.

(614) there is a man walking two goats through the city.
(614) bonus: only one of them was on a leash.

(908) my sombrero is too big for the bathroom.

(813) Haha Tomato, tomato. That doesn’t work very well via text message.

(860) do you ever Facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?

(312): The maid of honor just puked.

Sounds like…Caitlin
(973) I climb out of my sunroof. I mean, it’s kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja-like.

(641) TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY

(262) there are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
(1-262) That’s funny. Are they weird-looking?
(262) OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING. THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.

(508) this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums…i feel like i’m living in jumanji

(908) there’s a girl in the library on myspace. she must have missed the memo.

Sounds like…Jennifer
(817) matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can’t take this kid anywhere.

(561) George Bush was a better president for first pitches than Barack Obama. There. I said it.

(520) The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.

(845) She looks like she scalped a horse for her weave.

(856) I was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/sake bar. you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done.
(917) question, how would one sake bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?

(906) i seriously wish i was FB friends with her

(630) would the plural word for douche be deese? “Look at these deese bags”?

(502) green mimosas, i think yes.

Sounds like….Anthony
(618) was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?

(804) we need to drink more beer. the fridge won’t close.

(812) gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
(219) i need you to use more vowels.

(410) she should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie…terrible.

(909): My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.

(980) I’m making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
(704) oh, you finally did the dishes then?
(980) No, bought new ones.

(225) you don’t know how to answer ppls texts anymore?
(504) i’m sorry, i don’t get text messages.

(714) there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.

(573) I asked you how much you drank and you replied with “I don’t know what kind of toothpaste I use.

(646) your horoscope this morning…very interesting…good luck today.

(636) tequila makes her clothes fall off.
(512) wow mom, sounds like you’re having a good time.

(575) I permit you to call me.

(603): i’m sober ask me anything about the civil war

(315): There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy

(248): if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me

Sounds like….Liz…or Ash…
(717): reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.