A few more of my favorite things

Last few months have been busy. But I’ve seen some awesome stuff here and there that y’all should see.

Guys solve girls’ problems:

Q: “Painfully tight bra straps?”

A:Put sponges under them, like those things you put on car safety belts.”

Q: “There’s a weird gap between my bra and my boobs.”

A: “Again, I feel like paper towel or sponge could solve this problem.”

When I have children I will possibly buy this audio book and this one of course:

Think I want to print/buy the one for my kitchen that says “Are you cooking a frittata in a saucepan? What is this? Prison?” 

I basically love anything Kevin Spacey says or does at this point..

This. Just…this. We have to take mental health seriously. It’s so important.

I miss Breaking Bad so muuuuch.

Current/recent/near future mood:

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I want to adopt all of these dogs and to take pictures of puppies all the time.

You can totally get this for me for my birthday. I won’t be mad.

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Friggin’ brilliant.

Hearing “Stop thinking about it” when you have anxiety is like being told not to breathe. Works for about 3 seconds and then you have to because it’s all there is and there’s no way around it.

I would invest in like 89 percent of these ideas.

A thousand times yes.

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#writinggoals

90s dramatic television FTW..

This is currently fighting for first place with the video of the old ladies smoking weed for favorite recent video.

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Artificial warmth

Feelin’ a little low and frozen from the previous and present Snowpocalypses?

Look at this adorableness and let it warm your heart.

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Fear, falling and four-letter words

I have a bad habit. I curse. More than I should. I don’t know when or how it really started and I’ve been trying to cut back for a while and believe it or not it’s better than it used to be.

And seriously, I could have worse habits.

Nowadays, the times it happens the most are only in the most serious of situations. Like when something goes wrong, breaks, I hurt myself somehow, I forget something, or my alarm goes off and I’m not ready to get up yet.

I tell you that to tell you this – I am currently laying in bed because it feels good on my sore back. Why is my back sore?

OH. ON ACCOUNT OF IT SNOWED. And no one salted the walkway outside my apartment building. And like the graceful ballerina that I am, yesterday when walking to my car, I ate it. Big time. Fell so hard my shoe popped off. So I can’t really make as much fun of Sami for all the times she fell when skiing and her skis popped off. Because seriously, yesterday, my walking to my car was like Sami getting off the chairlift at Paoli. NOT PRETTY.

And, unable to control myself, as my feet flew out from under me and I landed square on my butt (I’m sure there’s a softball-sized bruise or two. It feels like it anyway) I let loose a four-letter word. I’m not gonna say which one, but suffice it to say, the parents of the kids on the first floor apartments should be glad their kids were inside and didn’t have to hear it. Or maybe they did. I yelled it loud. IT HURT!

It’s not just when I fall – which is actually more often than I wish to admit – but when I am startled that those words come out. I can’t help it! Last year, the haunted house down the street from my parents house made it sound like I’d developed Tourette’s. Bring on the ghosts and the paranormal excursions, but have a clown or man with a chainsaw jump out at me in a semi-dark room, I’m screaming a bad word. And I’ll give you a hint, it usually rhymes with spit.

Seriously though, the first floor people at this apartment probably aren’t too happy with me, considering it’s not the first time this week I’ve shouted an expletive as I’ve walked out to the parking lot. A few days ago, a giant bird (OK maybe not giant but it sounded like it) was in the bushes right by the walkway where I fell yesterday. About the time I walked past said bush, the bird moved or flew away or something and all I could think was “Holy crap it’s gonna fly out of that bush right into my head.” And I jumped, screamed a little bit and said a bad word.

I can’t help it. But the first step to getting better is admitting you have the problem, right?

The sun’ll come out, tomorrow…

Actually, maybe it won’t. I don’t really remember what the sun looks like these days because every time I look outside, OH THERE’S SNOW. What? The snow melted completely? WELL HERE’S SOME MORE. Seriously, it seems like it has never been warm outside and it never will be again.

Also, a lady sang this song last night at the American Idol-ish contest I was a judge for. Wasn’t great. I may not do this professionally, but I do know this – song choice is everything. And it’s really safe to pick a song like that that you basically just kind of shout, which the woman did, all the while sticking her arms up in the air and staring only at the ceiling.

So besides hating the weather and wondering when I’ll ever be able to feel my toes or fingers again, I’ve been busy. I’m currently in the middle of about six different projects/plans at the moment in addition to my regular 45-hour-a-week job. One of those projects, as you already know, is buying a car, which I wish I could just hurry up and get over with already so my eye would stop twitching – or maybe that’s from the Starbucks Cafe Mochas that I’ve been using to keep me awake because I’ve been SO FREAKING TIRED LATELY. I blame the weather. DID I MENTION I HATE THE WEATHER?

Anyways. There’s a lot going on these days and I feel like I need a clone sometimes, or at the very least, a personal assistant. The assistant isn’t for keeping me organized – I’m good at that, just look at my planner – but for driving me places so I can nap for a few minutes on the way. Or for doing my laundry, because that’s one more thing I need to do because I get my stuff out of the dryer and don’t get to putting it away for a couple days because there are more important things to do – and did I mention there are Olympics I need to watch?

So tonight, in the few minutes break from the craziness of this week, and last week, and next week and OH CRAP I NEED TO MOVE MY LAUNDRY TO THE DRYER, I started looking through my pictures. And luckily, I found some from my trip to Myrtle Beach last summer.

Myrtle Beach is one of my favorite places in the world, second only to Jamaica, and I was lucky enough to visit both last summer over a two-week span. I got some great pictures and as I sat here remembering that I need to go put some socks on because it’s cold in this apartment, I also remembered that it was warm once and eventually, it’ll be warm again.

I think.

Things I am sick of re: SNOWPOCALYPSE 2K10

Scraping off my car.
Having to turn the heat on for no other reason than to avoid frostbite.
Dry skin/eczema.
Going through chapstick like never before. My lips feeling like that zombie in Hocus Pocus whose mouth is sewn shut.
Not owning snow boots that come up above my knees.
Not living in an apartment building by a hill where I can sled.
Driving my car over a layer of ice and praying it won’t wreck before I can sell it – see why I am shopping for an SUV.
Pointless news broadcasts – yesterday on WLKY they showed at least 8 minutes (that’s how long I suffered through it before getting annoyed and changing the channel) of one of their reporters in an alley in Old Louisville running and sliding (barely) on a patch of ice. Really?!
Nodding emphatically at all those commercials about Mucinex-D, sinus pressure and Kleenex because the dry air from our electric heat has had me sick for two weeks and I know EXACTLY HOW THEY FEEL.
Seeing all the Facebook statuses of my friends having snow days who are teachers, students or employees of jobs that CAN stop when weather gets bad.
Not having easy access to Starbucks hot beverages in our apartment.
The attractiveness of Amazon calling me to buy more books off my Wish List when I need to be saving up for a car – I am going through books ridiculously fast now that I can’t get out except to go to work and because I am saving for a car…
My willpower dwindling if the Kia people keep calling me about that Sportage we looked at Saturday. Their offers are getting better and better and it’s gonna be really hard soon to say I don’t want it just because it’s manual.
Second-guessing myself on whether or not to wear layers to work because the heat might not be working.
Risking death to get to my car each morning because HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE ICICLES hanging off the apartment building? I saw that episode of Grey’s…
Seeing dirty snow. It looks nice and all until people drive through it. Then it’s slushy and gross.
Forgetting what the sun looks like.

I have some rules about snow – none of which are being followed right now. It should only snow on Christmas Day and then melt the next morning. So…this stuff that’s here now….it needs to go.

7. Snow

After this past year’s weather craziness, I promised myself I would never complain about snow or rain again because, let’s face it, it was ridiculous.

In September, we had the wind storm. Everybody lost power, but it wasn’t so bad for some because the weather was nice outside and it wasn’t raining, it was just wind. In February, after a light snow, we got the ice storm. Instead of some nice fluffy snow to play in, we got a foot of ice everywhere we looked and for me, that also meant a week of company – the parents, the sister and the giant golden retriever – in my one bedroom apartment. So yeah, if we got a couple inches of light snow this winter, I promised myself I’d be fine with it.

And sure enough, this morning I woke up and saw that there’d been a light dusting overnight. Barely enough snow to really count, but still, the ground outside my bedroom window was mostly white. And I was fine with it. It didn’t keep me stuck at home (although I can’t say I’d mind that for a day or two, just to relax and do absolutely nothing but read and nap and drink hot chocolate) and it didn’t make me scared the whole drive to work. It was just enough.

I like snow. But I have stipulations. It can’t happen on a day I need to be at work or somewhere else important. It can’t be so much that I can’t drive anywhere. It can’t be covered in a thick layer of ice like the ice storm last year. And if I had my way, in a perfect world, it would only happen on Christmas.

Yep. I think it feels most like Christmas Day when on Dec. 25, there is a layer of snow on the ground that you can go out and sled in or make a snowman or have a snowball fight. I like it alright other times of the year, but the best is when it happens on Christmas. Or one of the days immediately surrounding it.

I don’t want another blizzard or storm…and if that does happen, I’m gonna need some warning – last time my parents had to stay with me I got yelled at for not having coffee filters. But if it’s just a little bit and doesn’t stick around too terribly long, then that’s OK. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Just when you thought we were done with EXTREME weather…

Dear Mother Nature,

Are you mad at us? Did we do something to upset you? I know we have this going for us, but at least we’re not the absolute worst.

Or is it something else? It has to be something pretty bad to deserve three pretty horrible bouts of EXTREMECRAZYANNOYINGHORRIBLERANDOM weather freak-outs in the past two years.

First, the wind storm. Really? A hurricane in Kentucky? How does that happen? Then, the ice storm. It came out of nowhere. Now – a freaking FLOOD.

At least give us some warning. Yeah we knew the wind was blowing. Yeah we knew it was snowing. Yeah we knew it was supposed to rain. But holy crap. I need time! I need to get flashlights, perishables, coffee so my dad doesn’t get pissed that I don’t have it if my family has to camp out at my one-bedroom apartment for a few days ever again – which reminds me, I need an air mattress and maybe another couch or a futon. Oh, and a freaking umbrella. I had an umbrella that broke like, a month ago, and haven’t bought another one. Smart, huh? I have cute Target rain boots, so that’s cool…

If there’s a storm I need to be prepared for guests, for not leaving the house, for having to read or survive by candlelight when the power goes out or when I’m hiding in my closet because that wind is SO FREAKING LOUD!

I’ve known forever that Kentucky weather changes by the minute, but now I’m nervous. I mean, we had an EARTHQUAKE last year. What’s next? Volcano? At this point I wouldn’t be surprised.

Anyway, for the next year – or SEVERAL – can we please get a break from it seeming like it’s THE END OF THE WORLD?

Oh, and thanks for the beaches. And Jamaica.

Sincerely,
Laura