#firstworldproblems

Remember how I talked about First World Problems?

I thought it’d be funny to keep a log of the ones I was “suffering from” in the past couple weeks. They’re all really serious things to worry about, you guys.

I’m way behind on all my shows.

I have no time to catch up on the stuff on my DVR.

The antibacterial dispensers weren’t motion-activated.

It’s so annoying when Pandora stops playing to ask if you are still listening.

I woke up at 7 a.m. On a Saturday. Usually I get up at 8.

I had to get out of my warm and comfy bed an hour before my alarm because I had to pee.

I got five new comments to approve on the blog but they turned out to all be spam.

It’s too cold to walk outside to go get lunch.

Girl Scout cookies come in smaller boxes so now there are fewer of them.

I have something going on every night this week.

My headphone cords are always tangled.

I’m tired of all the music on my iPod.

I need a new laundry basket.

I’m too tired to pack a lunch for tomorrow at work.

There aren’t any new episodes of Glee until April.

I don’t have time for a nap this weekend.

I only had time to nap for like, an hour.

My magazine subscription ran out and I don’t know if I want to renew it.

Whenever my nails all get the same length and look nice, one always breaks and then I have to cut all of them.

My pillows aren’t fluffy anymore and my neck hurts in the morning.

I had a dream where I was dating Jason Segel but he broke up with me.

I’ll never be a Muppeteer.

I’m too afraid of needles to get Lasik.

I accidentally fell asleep with my contacts in now they’re dried out.

I can’t eat cheese anymore because my body rejects it.

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Wherein I contemplate getting a brand-new face

I hate my senior pictures. There I said it. Hate them. It’s really not a secret though, I’ve joked on them since we got the proofs and my mom framed an 8-by-10 of probably the worst one, one that still hangs in the family room at their house, so that the only way I could escape it was to move out.

We refer to it as Lancelot, because really, there’s no other way to explain it. I’ll just show you…

Sorry it’s dark. It was 10 years ago. It’s an artifact.

Now let’s dissect it.

1. A turtleneck. WTF. That smile on my face is fake because a) I can’t smile on command and b) I am most likely choking. Turtlenecks do that to me. And it’s white. What the hell? I’m surprised there’s not something on it already. It takes me .912 seconds to get something on a new white shirt. We may have kept this in an air-tight container until moments before this photo.

2. Beautiful cheekbones, I will say that. Still got ’em, too. I am 90 percent sure they are what fools people into thinking I’m photogenic (seriously, I get that a lot and I think it’s hilarious).

3. Class ring. Currently unaccounted for (but somewhere in this apartment so don’t freak out, Mom, it’s probably in a box in the closet) and this was the only day I wore it besides the ring ceremony where we got it – proving my point that I do not need an engagement ring when proposed to someday. Guys (well guy, I guess, whoever you may end up being), don’t waste your money on bling for me. We should spend the money on a trip instead.

4. BANGS. The bane of my existence my whole senior year – well, that and Kris. This was about the time I decided to start growing the bangs out. Do you know how long it takes to grow out bangs? They were SHELLACKED to the sides of my head at prom because they weren’t long enough to pull back or to leave like they are in this picture. Rough life, I tell ya.

5. Split ends. Also, right where that number five is? The ONE natural wave I have in my hair. ONE. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Oh also? This is Lancelot.

The resemblance is astonishing.

I tell you that story to tell you this one.

The background: While in jolly olde England this summah, (yes that was all intentional) I bought my family souvenirs, because I am that sweet and thoughtful. While at Abbey Road, I bought my mom a Beatles bag, that she now uses to take her lunch and other stuff to work.

Exhibit A:

Earlier this week, she relayed to me a story involving said bag that made me wonder what exactly I must really look like, because my mirrors have got it completely wrong.

Apparently the bag was sitting in the back room and was folded over so you couldn’t see that it said anything about the Beatles. Her friend/co-worker, who is someone I used to like asked her where she’d gotten a bag/why she had a bag with my picture on it.

My picture. Or, you know, one of Sir Paul McCartney. Same thing.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go have a cry and re-evaluate every haircut and fashion choice I have made in my almost 28 years of life.

Why I Won’t Shop At Meijer/Grammar Ninja

I have a bumper sticker on my car my roommate got me one year that says “Grammar Ninja: Ruthless, Deadly, Articulate.” It’s true. I am a Grammar Ninja of some sort, if such a thing exists. I don’t think I’m really deadly though.

As a journalism major, fan of the English language and supporter of saying things the right way, I am a bit of a stickler for good grammar and spelling. Also, I hate using exclamation points unless I really need to and refuse to use LOL in any online conversation, because, lets face it, it’s ridiculous. Yes, you do “laugh out loud” but it sounds more like, “haha,” so write that instead, thanks.

Writing your when you mean you’re or there when you mean they’re – and vice versa – drives me nuts. And I don’t understand why people use seen when they mean saw. Run on sentences – of the no-punctuation or all lowercase letters variety – make me cringe.

In a college editing class I had a professor who pointed out that there’s no such thing as first annual and from then on I couldn’t, and still can’t, read a sign, paper, brochure, etc. that uses that as the description for an event. Unnecessary apostrophes make my head hurt and unnecessary quotation marks are worse.

I try not to correct people, and believe me, sometimes with Facebook statuses it’s really hard not to comment on how many things are wrong with what is written. It’s annoying of me, I know. And like I said, I try not to correct people on their grammar or their spelling. I try really hard.

The biggest pet peeve of mine though – and if you’re my friend or you’ve seen my Facebook profile you know what it is – is the consistent confusion, for reasons I don’t understand, of the words idea and ideal.

Definitions:
IDEAL* – a conception of something in its absolute perfection; one that is regarded as a standard or model of perfection or excellence; an ultimate object of endeavor; a goal; an honorable or worthy principle or aim.

IDEA* – any conception existing in the mind as a result of mental understanding, awareness, or activity; a thought, conception, or notion; an impression; an opinion, view, or belief.

Not synonyms, yet someone supplying notebooks to Meijer seems to think so.

What, exactly, is this book ideal for? Because I know it’s not a book to write ideas in…

And of course I took a picture, so I could show the ridiculousness that is bad grammar, like on things sold in a store, that people see nothing wrong with.

Told you. Grammar Ninja.

The Real World is not real.

For some strange reason I keep subjecting myself to the RIDICULOUSNESS that is MTV’s The Real World.

Why, you ask? Maybe because it makes me feel better about myself. I am thankful that neither I nor anyone else in my life are that crazy. Where do they find these people? They’ve all got some sort of issue, are borderline alcoholics and sleep around way way way too much. They think being fired and sent home from the show is some crazy thing, when really, how hard is it to do an awesome job (because they only pick kickass things for the roommates to do, another way the show is not real life), every day when the only other thing you have to worry about is how much rum you’re gonna drink in your FREE AMAZING HOUSE.

Here’s just a few reasons why it’s not real.
• No one lives in houses that nice for free without having to do anything at all to earn it….
• If seven people lived together in real life, there’s less of a chance they’d all be that effing insane.
• In real life, YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR THINGS, you don’t just get them for free.

And finally, this may be the most important one – because I know it’s the one that frustrates me the most – in real life, people don’t say the phrase THREW ME UNDER THE BUS that often. In fact, besides on reality television, I’ve never heard that phrase in my day-to-day life.

Oh MTV, remember when you played videos?