Faves on faves

This past year was a light one on posting. Well, 2013 was I mean. I think from January 2014 to now, I’ve posted more than I posted in the entirety of the last calendar year.

Why? Because life. I dunno. But I’m glad to be getting back to (semi-)regularity.

In honor of five years today (had you heard about how I’ve had this blog for five years? Have I driven it into your brain enough?) I picked out my five favorite posts from the last year. In no particular order, I’ve listed (and linked) ’em below.

A little less medicated: Wherein I start going off of my anxiety meds. Jesus take the wheel.

• New Year’s Eve Mystery – The Case: AKA Best New Year’s Eve Of My Life

Wherein I am either the worst chaperone or the best one: That time I got a tattoo while chaperoning a church trip.

• You can take the girl outta Kentucky, but you can’t take the Kentucky outta the girl: Otherwise known as when I got to tell Travis Tritt my parents’ (and mine and several others’) favorite story about my whole childhood.

• Self-esteem boosters with Sarah: The one that started it all.

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I know about pop-u-ler. Lar.

Bonus points if you get the reference in the title.

I’m pretty sure there are random robots in three different countries (Germany, France and India, I think, based on my stats) that search daily for the phrase “moth flew up my nose.”

That’s weird, right? Even weirder that it leads them to me? Well..nah.

In looking back at some of the posts and the stats on them from my last five years writing this blog, the post with the most views has been the one I wrote about the time a moth traveled through my sinus cavity like the bus on Magic School Bus. Only I could feel it. And it was nasty.

(P.s. 8,615 views JUST on the homepage, not counting individual posts. WOOT.)

So that made me wonder. What else were the robots directing you to? Or (hopefully) what are the posts that the most people read? I figured the one about when I got appendicitis and proved everyone wrong about my hypochondria would be up there, but a couple of the others were a surprise.

So, without further ado – and whether the robots are to blame or these are peoples’ all-time faves – here are the top five most-read/clicked-on blog posts these past five years. And one to grow on.

5. The Girl Who Cried Appendecitis

“I spent an hour waiting to see the doctor at the hospital, during which time I watched an entire episode of Regis and Kelly, learned how to do The Dougie and realized that there may never NOT be a time when people don’t scream when they hear/see/smell/think about Justin Beiber. Oh, I also drank a lemonade spiked with dye that would make my insides change color so they could see my organs in the machine. Delicious.”

4. One year closer to 100
I turned 27 and it wasn’t that exciting. Also – I only accomplished like, two of the things I listed that I wanted to do that year. Whoops.

“There’s no specific things you only get to do once you turn 27, none that I know of anyway.”

3. New Year’s Eve Mystery: Cast of Characters

“You guys, I’ve wanted to host or attend a Murder Mystery party for a long time. Like, ever since the Clue-ish episode of Saved By The Bell. And then again when Hef and the girls did one at the Playboy Mansion on an episode of Girls Next Door (I miss that show…the original one, not the second group).”

2. Nothing rhymes with purple

“Know what else is purple? Just about everything associated with the Walk to End Alzheimer’s. It’s the walk my family and some friends and I are taking part in in a few weeks and even though they give out purple shirts there, our team will be wearing our own, complete with little light purple elephants.”

1. One time this moth flew up my nose

“I have no idea why bugs like to fly at or around or in my nose, but I don’t think it’s fair. I don’t understand it and it’s gross. There’s no light coming from my nose attracting them and I don’t think I have a huge nose or nostrils or whatever. Just lucky I guess.”

Oh and the honorable mention goes to the blog post that started it all:
The origination of the story of the Kentucky Bourbon Boys.

“2:30 p.m. Jack tells us how they smell-test the bourbon and mentions how you “put the cork in the bunghole.” That’s the word they use. Our group laughs. Because we are children.”

That’s a lot o’ words, yo

I have more than 500 songs on my iPhone/iPod. I’m only embarrassed about like, two of them.

My eye has twitched about 500 times this week alone.

Somewhat related (on account of he’s in a movie called 500 Days of Summer), I also loved this:

At this point you are either so happy that I’ve just shared a glorious gif of Joseph Gordon-Levitt in this post, or are super confused as to why you’re here and if this all has a point.

Of course it does.

As in, 500 posts. This is a milestone. I think. I mean, 500 is pretty cool. Or it means I talk write too much. And you’ve read some (maybe most, hopefully all) of them. So thanks for that.

Yeah, so 500 posts. 3.5 years.

And probably only like 340 of them had a curse word.

I thought a little while after I posted number 499 about doing something exciting for 500. About doing something to make it the best post ever. And then it was late and those Family Guy episodes weren’t gonna watch themselves.

So here you have it. Post #500. Landmark moment right here.

I sure do hope you’ll stick around for the next 500. You won’t be sorry. And I’ll try to curse less more.

My favorite posts this year – 10, to be exact

In honor of another year of blogging with double the amount of posts, comments and followers from the year before (really? What??!?) I have rounded up my personal favorites from what I’ve shared with you on this site. Some are one-hit wonders and others are part of a series. Because it’s too awesome not to, I’ve included all things Bourbon Boys, also known as that time when I drove my dad, uncles, and other awesome guys in my life on a tour of all the bourbon distilleries in the state (except one).

1. The first time I did yoga – WHAT was I thinking??

2. I wrote about when I got motivated.

3. Apparently I look like Paul McCartney?

4. Guys, I am not a painter.

5. Twice in one year I’m in a hospital because of an organ.

6. Bourbon Boyzzzz – six for the price of one.
One, two, three, four, five and six.

7. Saying goodbye to Grandpa.

8. Mission accomplished

9. Wherein my love affair with PIMM’S begins. Oh and Ashley and I went to England for a week.

10. I shared with you the story of my depression and anxiety. And it made me feel so much better.

So if you haven’t already, please read and enjoy. Or re-read and re-enjoy. Or tell me in the comments if I left any off you liked.

And thanks so much for reading!! I don’t really know why you do, a lot of the time, but I sure am grateful for it!

Housekeeping

This might be the most boring post I ever write. Except for maybe the first one I ever wrote on here three years ago. But please don’t stop reading yet.

Posting will be light nonexistent until our regularly scheduled Friday fun, because, well, I’ve got shit to do. And these naps don’t take themselves.

I’ll so make up for it though, because in case you were unaware, a certain blog I know of is celebrating three years of existence next week… and for you, my friends, that means content galore!

Just a tease of what you’ll have to look forward to March 25-31:
– Live-blog of Hoarders returns
– I tell you what I was like at age 3 (with photos! possibly)
– The latest installment of texts that sound like my friends
Smiley things round 2
– I tell you about that time I didn’t eat for 30 hours
– Live-blog/stream-of-consciousness as I watch Scarface in its entirety (no, I’ve never seen it all the way through before, I’ll pause while you react like I did when I found out several people in my life had not seen Shawshank until recently).

And loads more awesome stuff! So much so that I need to take this week off to prepare. I’ve gotta have time for the magic to work, people…

See you soon!

This post is gonna get so many hits

Sometimes I wonder how people get to this site – besides my family and friends who I know have it bookmarked and/or on their RSS feeds so they don’t miss a post.

I make sure to put tags in every post, because I know that draws people and I publicize on social media. But you know how when you put something in on Google and the most random page in the world shows up? Apparently for some searches, that’s me.

A sampling – below are the last 30 days’ most popular search terms and the number of page views said search terms earned me. That sentence is horribly worded.

On a couple of those, I can see what happened. I mentioned them in posts. But they look awfully weird grouped together like this.

Who’d have thought you’d see “reduce stress,” “paris airport,” “prostitutes” and “tiny superheroes” on the same list? Not this girl. But welcome to my blog, weirdos.

Also – where the hell did vegetarian message T-shirts come from?

If we go back to the all-time hits, then it gets really interesting.

When I had a lot of extra free time, I did a blog post every day with something different each day I liked about the Christmas season. One day – on the day it’s supposed to be celebrated, actually – I wrote about Festivus. If you don’t know what it is – Google it. Hell, you’ll probably end up back at this site.

I don’t know why. Maybe there are millions of Seinfeld fans who look for fake holidays, but that silly little post – which I have since taken down to see if it was a fluke – is responsible for more than 550 of my all-time hits on this site. W.T.F.

Then you have the just plain weird ones. More than one person has come looking for the things listed below on my lil’ ol’ blog. Because I am where one comes for all things werewolves, decapitation, lil wayne and bug flew in my nose.

Other things I am the go-to site for? Check out these three gems. This is pulled from my site stats page. I shit you not.

Finally, we’ve got what I call the one-hit wonders, which I will list for you below. With my editorial comments, of course, which are the ones in italics.

there is a moth in my nose don’t inhale.

what kind of bird dive-bombs people in Indiana any kind. on account of they are all dumb

t shit the britney shit the britney? what does that even mean? i feel like it’s probably something dirty.

how do i get someone to stop being mad at me stop shitting the britney

how many elephants are in one family it depends on whether or not that elephant’s parents are mormon

does is hurt to go to the bathroom with appendicitis well. not really when you go number one, but there is no such thing as number two-ing when that appendix needs to get out. if this offends you, you obviously aren’t coming to my blog for the right reasons.

song that sounds like “corn dog” atomic dog? i have no idea

meijer ninja ugh, meijer pisses me off.

cyst cut out of eye no, it wasn’t, thank God. Isis has shrunk, however, so no cutting is necessary at this time.

are their cliff notes for the book nineteen minutes first of all, you spelled “there” wrong. second of all, really?

my appendix always hurts you might just need to poop (two poop references in one post? that alone has got to be worth about 40 hits)

chronicles of narnia prince caspian/coloring pages this totally makes sense cause y’all know I love to talk about Narnia.

Not that I’m immune from weird Googling. I’ll even share a few of my most recent online searches. Because I’m all about the sharing.

“Queen size bunk beds”

“Football illegal shift”

“Chimichurri sauce”

“Teardrop tattoos”

I’ll let you ponder those for a little while. And I think I just saw what next week’s top searches on this site will be.

10, count ’em, 10.

One year and 120 posts later, I think I’m getting the hang of this blogging thing. You’ve heard a lot from me this past year, like about that awkward trip to the dentist and how much I love Jason Segel.

I don’t like all the stuff I write, but there’s a few posts from the past year I’m pretty proud of. Ten, in fact. You may have read them before, but if you didn’t, I suggest you check them out. Remember, I’m all about the self-promotion.

So, without any more ado, here are my favorite posts I’ve written since March 2009, for your reading pleasure.

Oh, and they’re counted down, ’cause you know how much I like countdowns. And lists. It’s OCD, don’t judge.

10. There was that time I wrote about just how much some of the texts from textsfromlastnight.com sounded like my friends.

9. That to-do list I need to get working on… In my defense, I have bought a car on my own and am getting a massage the Friday after my birthday, so CHECK and CHECK. But I hope to accomplish a few of the bigger ones this year, like, say, run a 5K and start a book club (I promise this time) and visit a state I’ve never been to. Oh, and go to Europe. You know, the little stuff on that list…

8. I was given YET ANOTHER REASON TO HATE BIRDS.

7. I interviewed kindergartners at Christmas and re-affirmed my belief in the man in red.

6. Once, I shared with you all my irrational fears. And told you how I almost went blind.

5. I found a fall-back career in case this whole writing thing doesn’t pan out…

4. Because I know you all don’t think I’m weird enough already, I told you about that one time a moth flew up my nose.

3. Since I was born in the 80s and am probably just a horrible person, when I hear Madonna the first thing I think of is the singer. But that is not always who people mean when they say Madonna.

2. Oh, hey, guess what? I won some awards, for like, photography and design and writing and stuff. ‘Cause I’m awesome. True story.

1. And in case I haven’t annoyed you with it enough, there was that time when I bought a car. This is numero uno mainly because it is the post I’ve received more comments and feedback on than any other and also because WHO KNEW IT WAS THAT FRIGGING FRUSTRATING TO BUY A CAR?! I sure didn’t.

So there you have it. 10 posts. One year. And one hypochondriac’s self-diagnosis of carpal tunnel from ALL THAT TYPING.

Enjoy, kids.