When you think you’re OK

In the past 9 or 10 months, I have been happier than I can remember being anytime before that. Things are good for me. Good family, good job, good friends, good extracurriculars, I can afford all my bills including cable, etc., etc…

Since I quit my previous job last June, I have tried to keep busy non-stop. As my bff once put it, I was the busiest unemployed person she knew.

And then I became employed again and got even busier.

And I love it. Don’t get me wrong. The nights I sit home with nothing to do – no options of anything, nothing I’ve said no to – are few and far between. And I like it that way.

However, when you have anxiety/depression, that way of life still comes with a catch.

Last week I needed a break. I chose to work from home one day, rather than go into my AWESOME job (and it is so awesome, I’ll tell you all about it soon) with people I love being around, because of anxiety. I needed a day away from people.

You guys, I’m outgoing. I will talk to basically anyone. I am a good time at parties and other celebrations.

Case in point, St. Paddy’s. I have no idea who these people are and also I bought that Captain’s hat I’m wearing (backwards) for $10 because YOLO.

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But you know what I mean. I like being social, I like being outgoing, I am what you would call a people-person.

Until I’m not.

Did you know there’s a thing called an introverted extrovert? I didn’t until the idea was posed to me a couple years ago in therapy. (GOD I LOVE THERAPY).

It basically means you are outgoing AF, but to recharge your batteries, you actually need to be alone, rather than around all of those people you normally love to be around. Weird, right?

In my case, it apparently makes itself known that it’s time for a reboot when I just get grumpy for no reason until getting out of bed one day seems like a bad idea, no matter how great things may be. Oh and in addition to the random grumpiness (for no reason), there’s also the BLINDING fear that because everything’s so great right now, soon it won’t be. That other shoe will drop. That’s anxiety and depression for you… Welcome.

I am 100% grateful that I am able to recognize this need in myself to take a breather, because many don’t. I am 1,000% percent grateful that I was able to text my boss (who understood and supported me) and tell her exactly what was going on rather than fake an illness or maintenance appointment or some crap (which I would have had to do at my last job, because that job was the reason I stayed home. Eventually the PTSD from it will subside. I hope).

And by the next day, I felt better. I felt like me again. Ready to take on the world and all that.

(Aside..ish) I recently read the amazing Jenny Lawson’s second book, Furiously Happy. I highly recommend it because I about peed my pants at least 5 times from laughing. And I also recommend it if you want to understand the person you love with anxiety and/or depression or to feel like you’re not alone because she articulates it so much better than I can.

Even on the days I want to be alone, I’m still not alone. And neither are you. And that knowledge is so helpful. You will get through it. I did.

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The most famous-est

Yeah, so, I’m just gonna leave this right here…

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P.s. I took that earlier this year, in case you were confused. Without zoom. I love Derby Season…

A magical night

Once upon a time last week, my friends/cousins/sisters and I had a Girls Night. Originally our plan had been to watch Sharknado 2 together, because OBVIOUSLY. However, luckily for us and you, that plan got changed to the classic piece of cinema entitled “Magic Mike,” on account of the majority of the girls hadn’t seen it (travesty) and because of course girls night has to include ogling Channing Tatum.

Because I’d seen it before, and I knew that the reactions would be great, I took notes of what was said by my girls while we watched. Except for when this happened I got a bit distracted…

Oh man…

Anyways.

What follows is a word-for-word account of their viewing of the movie. Reader discretion is advised and names have been redacted to protect the filthy.

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Buuuuttttt!!!!!!!

I wouldn’t be mad if he slapped me.

Wait there’s nudity in this?

I hate seeing boobs in movies.

Is this rated R?

That’s why we’re watching this. I heard the plot was really interesting.

What’s happeninggggg….

This guys a terrible actor. (Alex Pettyfer)

He has a baby and he’s married. (Channing Tatum)

They met on Step Up.

What just happened?

I’m so uncomfortable.

Are you serious?

I can’t decide if this is hot or not.

Whoa.

That guy is from CSI Miami.

Whoa holy shit.

Isn’t that illegal?

Oh my god this plot is so predictable.
You don’t watch it for the plot.

In his hoodie? That’s not nice.

What if he doesn’t have a good body?

This isn’t cute.

This is what sex is really like. Shameful and embarrassing.

Did he just rub his nipple?

This is weird.

He stole their money.

Ohhhhh

You’re gonna regret this. What is she doing?

That isn’t anyone’s 21st birthday. You black out.

Is he throwing her into the ocean?

If all your friends jumped off a bridge…

Is your phone in your pocket? How are you gonna get out of there?

Oh my God you guys it’s a movie. And it’s about strippers. Shut up.

Are you a nurse? No I just wear this fucking outfit every day. What if she’d said that?

Thousands of women? More like 30. 37?

This is making me not like Matthew McConaughey as much.

Why does he have that on his head?

Why is he so good at moving his hips?

I have those shorts.

Oh I think they’re having butt sex.

Are you guys cuddling like you’re watching a scary movie?

Did he stick it?

Ooh it’s an elephant.

I love elephants.

Wait there’s a store just for this? It’s called Cirillas.

What if he needs to wipe multiple times?

This is the best stripper song ever. (Save a Horse[Ride a Cowboy])

He invited his sister? Why did she come? You gotta support your family.

She looks like she just got her wisdom teeth pulled.

You can’t throw your pants. Then what do you have?

This is so hot. I watched this like five times on YouTube one day.

He’s really good at dancing.

He’s amazing.

The fuuuuuck…..

How does he keep his hat on?

Oh. My God.

Ew.

I’m confused. They throw their clothes but do they get them back? Or do they buy new clothes every night?

Did he just take her shirt off?

Wait you cannot do that. That’s not allowed. That’s invasive.

He slapped her. With his penis.

It’s like Cosmo. They said do it like a penis pendulum.

He looks black right there so he looks really hot

He rubbed that shirt in his pants and threw it. I don’t think I would want that. I would.

He has knee pads on.

Is that Marie?!?!? (From Breaking Bad)

Ugh he is sexy in those grandpa glasses.

She is not cute. Why didn’t they get a cuter girl?

I’m trying to figure out what’s going on with her jaw. I think she might be a slut? Or a man.

They’re going to a sandbar that’s fun.

With kegs.

Oh she’s skinny as shit.

Where’s her ass crack?

That’s the girl that was in the threesome. Not everyone wants to be touched by her.

Her legs are 70 percent of her body.

[[[[[10 minute inappropriate convo]]]]]

Hey what does Mike have to say?

I love America.

Army men? Holy shit.

His pants are ripped. They’re s’posed to be. Cause of this.

Are they just hugging? What’s happening? He’s sad about it.

They’re so creative.

This is so fun.

All the girls that come to this club are hot. That’s convenient.

Emily’s like the Matthew McConaughey of this group. Stop kissing people.

He just wants to build furniture. And have threesomes. Like a normal person.

Guys. He’s supposed to be my age.

Stop calling her. Why don’t you just text her? He’s a gentleman.

I’m so confused by what just happened.

Wait who took drugs?

When did drugs become a part of the plot?

Sami explains drug part

Wait I thought he was like ‘Do you wanna get a place together?’

I didn’t see anyone doing drugs.

Real movie drugs get snorted.

You gonna shave your armpits? Her armpits look fine! That’s mean!

This is why you guys missed the drugs. Cause you’re talking.

Omg she’s pregnant? Who is pregnant? Shut uppppp.

Do you have duct tape?

Ugh see look how short her torso is.

Where’s her butt?

It’s cute they’re flirting he’s a stripper.

This is a sorority house — boys can just be in the basement.

Who called them to the sorority?

They have nice shoes.

The windows are open.

Those guys would not still be there.

Naked fighting!

Where’d they find clothes? They should always have backups in the truck.

I thought they were friends. Why are they fighting? Drugs comes between everybody.

They’re not selling drugs oh my Goddd.

Does he have a corset on?

I don’t understand why they throw money at them?

Why is there a music video happening?

I thought this was a harmless innocent movie about male strippers he was supposed to get equity.

They’re sweaty cause those drugs make you sweat.

The cameras aren’t slower. The people are.

That is a lot of skin to grab. That looked painful.

Glitzy!

Is Glitzy eating his vomit?

She is such a bad actress. She’s awful.

Oh someone passed out and puked. That’s never happened. Let’s freak the fuck out about it.

He’s all messed up. He was wearing a shirt on the beach.

He did it for the ugly girl. That’s real love.

That was genius screenwriting.

I would punch him in the face.

I hate this person.

Where’s Glitzy?

There’s always gotta be a host for the strippers.

Whyyyy those are expensive? (broken guitar)

He has real butt cheeks.

Do we like his butt? I didn’t look that closely.

Is that a double?
If I know Matthew McConaughey, then no.

‘Everyone praise my dick’ This is idolatry.

Wait wait wait someone just picked money up off the stage and threw it at him. That has to be against the rules.

How do they pick up all that money?

Stop hugging! You’re sweaty.

There’s so much hugging.

What are you doing here? With your vest on?

No, Mike look at her hair, no.

They’re gonna do it.

That was it really? That’s the end?

He just quit stripping?

Straight (paint)ballin’

When I started thinking about what I wanted to do for my 30th birthday this month, I had so many different ideas. I tossed around doing something for others – doing 30 things for others or something nice for 30 people or maybe just a chill dinner with family.

It never once crossed my mind to use this big-deal birthday to cross something off my list.

That’s where the BFF comes in – it crossed her mind, so she and my sister and my cousins made it happen.

The list item of choice? Paintball.

Now when it was mentioned at the paintball place that this was a bucket list item, the toddler who worked there (I picked that saying up from my traffic school teacher this past weekend. My name’s Laura and I drive fast.) acted like having that on a bucket list was stupid. And to that I say “Worry ’bout yoself, Paintball Boy.”

Lemme back up.

So I get all ready on my birthday thinking I’m gonna go get a bit of a pre-dinner buzz from some mini-margaritas at Jennifer’s house.

Then I get blindfolded and after many death threats from Jennifer, to my surprise I end up at the paintball place – this is what we’re crossing off my list and it’s gonna be awesome!!

Once I’m changed out of my dress and into my paintballin’ clothes, the nerves start to hit a little.

There are SERIOUS paintballers there. As in – significant amounts of camouflage and oh look over there, there’s a whole TEAM of guys who have had shirts made and have their shooter code names on the back. COOL.

Meanwhile, the only ones in our group who have played before are Sami and a couple of the boys. And they tell us newbies that, SPOILER ALERT: Paintballs hurt like a motherfucker.

SWEET. Happy birthday, I still might die today.

So anyway, after signing a waiver that probably says “If you die out there it’s not our fault, you just suck at paintball” and me getting a free shirt – because birthday – it’s time to suit up.

This is where I should have known it was gonna be..interesting. You don’t get a helmet – just a mask that covers your forehead, eyes, nose and mouth and a vest that probably is helpful for most people but I have some serious boobage and, well, it was kind of a joke.

Oh and then you go load your gun with marbles, basically. For newbies to paintball, it’s when you see how hard those damn things are, and that’s before they’re being shot at you from a gun that puts a shit-ton of air behind it.

Then a couple of us got a little bit scared. And that was before we even walked over to the scary-looking zombie town kind of place where we’d be “playing.”

I put that word in quotations on account of when we got over there the people that play every other day and think they’re hot stuff were like, “OH, FRESH MEAT.” And I almost peed.

Tavon, our “supervisor” or whatever they’re called gave us a quick rundown of what we’d be doing and what we weren’t allowed to do (take our masks off, basically, everything else was a free-for-all). And then we were set free to attack at each other.

He said “go” and all we could hear was “pop pop pop pop pop pop pop.” And I almost peed again.

It took approximately 20 seconds for me to get shot. First one went right into the side boob. AND OH MY GOD PAINTBALLS HURT. ESPECIALLY IN THE BOOB.

So – once you get over the initial pain/shock of being hit the first time, then you’re ready. The adrenaline’s going, you’re ready to play again and you know that that stupid little hut thing is not good shelter. Oh, and the paintball “regulars” are crazy AF.

We ended up having to pick teams at one point and in addition to the eight in our group, we needed two more. So we ended up with two more toddlers (Trevor and Jase) on our team to keep things even. We had no idea of their shooting ability (or lack of it), but they were standing closest to us, so it made sense.

Other notable moments from the rest of the three or so hours we were there?
– I had two of the professionals cornered at one point and they were pissed that they couldn’t get out or shoot me, so, GO ME.
– Two seconds after I moved out of the position of having them cornered I got shot in the ear.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT GETTING SHOT IN THE EAR WITH A PAINTBALL.

Rang my bell pretty good. Couldn’t hear for a second. Also thought I was bleeding. And that it took a piece of my ear off. I don’t overreact at all.

Keep in mind that when you get hit, the paint ball explodes. But there are pieces left behind sometimes.

This is NOT what’s going through my head after getting shot in the ear. Instead I am thinking part of it’s missing, a la Evander Holyfield when Tyson bit it off, because when I reach back to feel it, I feel ragged edges of something so obviously it’s my ear. Oh and that wetness? Definitely can’t be paint, must be blood.

WRONG ON ALL ACCOUNTS.

Did win me some cool points with some of the pros. And it made for a good conversation piece the rest of the night, especially when I couldn’t get it all out/off before changing into my dress for dinner.

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How hot is that?? (And gosh dang if my eye makeup doesn’t still look great…)

Others got it worse – Jenn, Hope and Ethan, from what I remember, all had paint on their faces – especially around the chin and mouth, where it had hit their mask.

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And I didn’t have nearly the amount or intensity of bruises as some of the rest of them did. Also, Hope almost had to smack a girl wearing an Elmo shirt and Sami shot a guy in the nipple and it ripped a hole in his shirt because she’s a badass.

Let’s see, what else…

OH. We basically adopted Trevor and Jase for the rest of the time there except for a few minutes when we were mad at Trevor for siding against us in one of the games and I called him Judas. Then they told us we didn’t seem as old as we were and we were fun and like their friends so we let them back in.

And Jennifer may or may not have been on her way to starting a small army of children that she was captain of but at that point we were all out of bullets and had to go.

Like I said before, it was the most fun birthday of my adult life and I cannot wait to go again. Especially now that all the green paint is pretty much gone from my ear.

Best one yet? I’m thinking yes.

Besides the first one, obviously, but I don’t remember that one.

Oh, what am I talking about? Birthdays.

‘Member how I turned 30?

Well. It was kind of a big deal.

So.. I think I’ve been surprised maybe twice in my life. And usually it’s just been a matter of someone showing up somewhere that I didn’t expect to see them. I’m more of a startled person – like don’t jump out at me or you’ll get hit.

I bet I am making no kind of sense, am I?

OK. So last weekend was my 30th birthday. I had made a few plans and thought everyone was going along with it, but boy was I wrong.

A few weeks before the day, I told a few people I wanted to go out to dinner – we’d dress up fancy and just go somewhere and have a small, chill thing. I pitched it in the group text with the Game Night Bitchezzz and they were down, and suggested a pre-party before, because that’s what we do.

My sister, Rachel, convinced me to let Dad make reservations for the dinner so I’m not planning my own birthday stuff and that’s that.

Oh, and I went and bought a dress. It wasn’t only for my birthday, but the birthday seemed a good enough excuse as any.

And I didn’t think anything else about any of it.

Birthday Day came and started awesomely. Lots of birthday love from the second I woke up from friends and family, and of course, all over Facebook because that’s how it counts.

My friend, Stephanie, and I had plans to go get pedicures, so we did that and followed it up with lunch at Havana Rumba, pretty much the best restaurant ever.

Then it was time to go home and get ready.

You guys, I spent soooo much time getting ready. If I wear eye makeup, it must be important, and I worked on that shit for a while. Then put on my dress and headed over to Jenn’s where she said she’d “do my hair before dinner.”

And that, my friends, is when I lost any control I had on the day.

You see, I got to Jennifer’s and before I could get in the door, I was blindfolded, turned around, and told there had been other plans made for the day.

Jenn and Matt kidnapped me, basically, and put me in their car, and were playing some version of good cop, bad cop – meaning Matt was being nice to me and Jennifer was verbally abusing me. Anyone who doesn’t know her would think that’s bad, but as her best friend and after 14 years, I know it’s just the way she shows she loves you.

So here I am, my eye makeup now ruined (I’m thinking) and my hair not gonna get done and I hope wherever they’re taking me isn’t expecting me to look as amazing as I thought I was going to.

Oprah taught me never to be taken to a second location, but that didn’t work in this case and we discussed my impending death, because that had to be what was happening, they were taking me somewhere to kill me.

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I had even brought tiny margaritas for the pre-party. Who would drink them when my best friends murdered me?

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I was allowed to ask questions, but it got me pretty much nowhere.. because I had NO clue where we were going, who would be there, or what I was in for, as you can see.

Please note the “pop pop pop pop pop” sound as soon as the door’s opened. That doesn’t do much to soothe the worries of someone who thinks they are being taken to their death.

But SURPRISE!!!! No dying!!! It was paintball!

When I opened my eyes I saw five of my very favorite people dressed the complete opposite of me, ready to help me cross something off my list.

I found out later, that my best friend, because she’s awesome (despite the verbal abuse from earlier in the day) had decided a couple months ago to do something big for my birthday. She got on this blog and looked at my list for something she could help me cross off. And since my friends wanted to play paintball too, that got chosen!

First of all – the paintball experience in itself is getting its own post. Second of all – I wouldn’t in a million years have thought that’s where they were taking me. So much fun. And I was covered in paint when it was time to change back into my dress to go to dinner.

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Fancy.

So yes, it was at this point I thought we were going to a nice steak restaurant for dinner that I’d never been to before. You know, the one with the small group.

NOPE.

Blindfolded again. At this point I’m figuring we’re ending up at a party somewhere – someone’s house or something. No clue though, really. But I know it’s not the steak place.

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Again I’m completely caught off guard because my family and friends have organized a second surprise for the day. Lining the patio outside of our favorite Mexican restaurant up the street were about 30 people I love a lot. I couldn’t believe it.

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And the rest? Is history. I’ll let the pictures explain, especially since it gets a little bit fuzzy after about 30 minutes of being at the restaurant…

I’ve said it many times before but it bears repeating. I am blessed with some amazingly awesome people in my life. I am so grateful for every single one of them, and they made my (potentially scary) 30th birthday the best I’ve ever had. Love you all!

Highlights? Dad and I slow-dancing at a bar to Liz karaoke-ing to Usher’s “Let It Burn.”

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Oh and my grandma had some tequila.

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New Year’s Eve Mystery: The Case

Like I said in the last post, when I thought about wanting to do a Murder Mystery Party at some point, I knew who I was asking first – the Game Night group. I knew they’d take little to no convincing, as we tend to like dressing up to play games because that’s pretty much the only way to get us to play a full game anymore – unless it involves alcohol.

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This time, the only alcohol was a shot before the game (for the adults) and the rest was saved until the case was solved. And thank God, too, because there was a lot to keep straight. I was giggly without alcohol. I just kept looking around the room saying “My dream has come true.”

It’s really better to show you how the night went, rather than tell you. But the gist of it is, everyone has a part to play and everyone has a motive. The murderer didn’t know they were the murderer until after they’d committed the crime (which basically was us turning off the light for a second and then back on and looking at Oreo – our pretend victim – and screaming).

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(Note: No animals were harmed in the making of this post. Nor were they hurt at the event. Nor have they stopped being called Steve sometimes.)

The rest of the night we spent questioning and blaming and talking about each other – because that’s what our assignments we received said to do. However, not a single one of us guessed who the murderer was when that time came at the end. Wasn’t the alcohol’s fault – or our acting, everyone put on a good show. We just didn’t look at the provided “evidence” close enough and therefore none of us should be detectives in real life. Except maybe Brendan. He was close at one point.

Some highlights of the evening:
– Caitlin fainting after the murder
– Jennifer’s voice getting progressively deeper the further she got into character
– Jennifer helping Rachel with stretches (as seen here)

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– No one talking about it beforehand but all deciding to treat Liz the same way (as someone you don’t want to be talking to for longer than about 10 seconds). I was the only exception, because I was her lawyer.

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– Shane somehow convincing everyone to give him money.
– The dance-off

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– Rachel dancing along w/Janet Jackson on TV, but on a delay
– Sami and Austin’s in-character drama
– Shane going full guido in the middle of the game and also sounding a lot like Fonzie from Happy Days
– Shane checking envelopes and drinks for Chuckie before he handed them to him
– Brendan’s accusing of so many people
– Matt just giggling and smiling a lot
– Watching my best friends have so much fun with this party and saying how much they wanted to do it again once it was over.

So here is (part of) our night in photos. I love these kids.

New Year’s Eve Mystery: Cast of Characters

Once upon a time, I got an email from Groupon (as I do every day, sometimes annoyingly) with their daily deals. Leading the email? A $30 deal for a Murder Mystery package. Half the price it usually sells for, to get a 150+ page PDF of just about everything you’d need to host your own event.

You guys, I’ve wanted to host or attend a Murder Mystery party for a long time. Like, ever since the Clue-ish episode of Saved By The Bell. And then again when Hef and the girls did one at the Playboy Mansion on an episode of Girls Next Door (I miss that show…the original one, not the second group).

So naturally, I bought the deal. And I knew just who would go for participating and helping make my dream come true. (I aim high, y’all.) I pitched it to the Game Night Bitchezzz and they were sold immediately.

We held a sort of vote, narrowing it down from the 40 or so possible scenarios to three. The one we ultimately went with was a High School Reunion. As we enjoy having themed events (see: a future Field Day post since I forgot to post about it after it happened last summer and the summer before, whoops)

The story and craziness from that night are too much for one post, so for now I’ll give you the Reader’s Digest version as well as your cast of characters and a few other tidbits about them.

The Scene: Murder High (like, really? Couldn’t come up with a better name for it for $30?) Class of 1983 30-Year Reunion
Fun Fact: Only one person in attendance had been born in 1983. The rest of us were after.
Other fun fact: None of us could do the math right and swore this reunion was happening in 2003, therefore looked up fashion and music styles from both 1983 and 2003. #geniuses
The crime: AV Geek Steve Spielson (or Spielman, I don’t remember) who ended up a big Hollywood producer/hotshot or something gets killed at the reunion. But who did it? ‘Cause we all had motives.
THE CAST:

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Terry “T.J.” Johnson
– Former hall monitor, current crossing guard and host of this reunion
Played by: Jennifer
Snazzy accessories: Homemade hall monitor belt and police hat
Characteristics added by the actress portraying her: Butch lesbian with a girlfriend named DJ, deep voice, carries around handcuffs though she has no reason to use them. Or does she?
Quote of the night: “DJ and I lumberjack on the weekends.”

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Randy Reporter – Former newspaper editor, now works at the Wall Street Journal
Played by: Brendan
Snazzy accessories: Fedora and reporters’ notebook and pen
Fun facts: Fearless in accusing anyone and everyone, only one who had any idea who the actual murderer ended up being (wasn’t him).
Quote of the night: After he saw in his bio where he had supposedly worked previous to the WSJ, “What’s Playboy?”

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Byron P. Keaton –
Math team captain turned accountant
Played by: Matt
Snazzy accessories: Pens in his pocket, TI-83 calculator, bowtie
Fun facts: May have turned T.J. straight at the reunion, at least for a minute.
Quote of the night: We are still not sure because nobody recalls hearing him talk. Thus, the suspicion.
Side story: Byron had evidence in his possession, despite the fact that T.J. asked him several times if he had any and he didn’t know/didn’t turn it over. Again, thus, suspicion.

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Molly Ringworm – High school drama queen turned famous actress
Played by: Caitlin
Snazzy accessories: “Emmy” and “People’s Choice Award” which may or may not have actually been from elementary school sporting events, sunglasses, pearls and leather jacket (two of which were left at the party)
Fun facts: Caitlin was appreciative of this character because she said since she has had ringworm it only made sense that was her last name.
Quote(s) of the night: “I’VE MISPLACED MY ENVELOPE!” “Where is my envelope???”

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Cindy Crawfish – class flirt who now runs an online dating website
Played by: Anna
Snazzy accessories: Hotness.
Fun facts: Kept going into the other room talking to Chuckie (Class President) with whom she SOOOOOOO was having an affair! Also, at least two of us offered to keep her secrets if she gave us a free account on her dating website.
Quote of the night: “YOU SLEPT WITH STEVE????” (to Sami)

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Nick Nixon – class president who is now running for POTUS
Played by: Chuckie
Snazzy accessories: A full suit, brought home from Boston for the sole purpose of this party, and buttons that said things like, “Vote Nick.”
Fun facts: Chuckie was class president for almost all of high school so it was only right that he played this part.
Quote(s) of the night: To Anna, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

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B.A. Barricade – BA, of course, stands for Badass, which he was in high school. Now he does security for Nick.
Played by: Shane
Snazzy accessories: Earpiece like a Secret Service guy, sunglasses, neck tattoo that says “Make Good Decisions.”
Characteristics added by the actor portraying him: Ability to change accent at the drop of a hat. May or may not be related to Fonzie.
Fun facts: Ended the night with pretty much everyone’s money.
Quote of the night: “Does anybody else have more than $2,000?”
Side story Liz told me about: “Shane asked Brendan to look out for suspicious people. Later, almost at the end of the night, he approached B and asked ‘So you see any suspicious people around here?’ Brendan looked around the room, looked back at Shane and said ‘Nope.'”

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Joe Nebraska – The most popular guy at our high school and now, a high school gym teacher.
Played by: Austin
Snazzy accessories: Letterman’s jacket, swag.
Characteristics added by the actor portraying him: Animal magnetism. Two ladies had a dance-off over him.
Fun facts: This was Austin’s third-ever event as one of the Game Night Bitchezzz and you’d have thought the man had been there from the beginning.
Quote of the night: “Have fun on Christian Mingle!”

Natalie Nebraska – Head cheerleader who now works as a manager at a discount store, Joe’s wifey.
Played by: Sami
Snazzy accessories: Super-high ponytail, matching letterman jackets with Joe.
Characteristics added by the actress portraying her: Hair-twirling, cheerleader-ish moves in every day life, sassy attitude.
Fun facts: Participated in a dance-off against Pamela for Joe’s affections to the classic love song, “Bootylicious.”
Quote of the night: To Anna, “It was just once! In community college!!”

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Pamela Abdul – Head of the dance team, now a choreographer, in a feud with Natalie.
Played by: Rachel
Snazzy accessories: Legwarmers, obviously.
Characteristics added by the actress portraying her: General peppiness, sassy attitude, killer dance moves, choreographed for Janet (Jackson, duh).
Fun facts: Participated in a dance-off against Natalie for Joe’s affections to the classic love song, “Bootylicious.” Janet Jackson dance on New Year’s Eve choreographed by her, as evidenced by her doing the dance moves right along with Janet…with a 2 second delay.
Quote of the night: After every time she took a bite of food, “My trainer’s gonna kill me.”

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Dani Drums – Band nerd, still a musician but now more on the professional side
Played by: Liz
Snazzy accessories: Marching band wind suit and band clinic T-shirt, clarinet on which she kept only playing Hot Cross Buns.
Characteristics added by the actress portraying her: General nerdiness, super-pissed off at Steve, ability to make everyone at the reunion leave a conversation immediately.
Fun facts: At least two conversations with Dani started with the person saying “Oh hey, how are you?” and turning around and leaving as soon as she started to talk.
Quote of the night: “I’m gr…”

Bobbie Bright – Valedictorian, Most Likely To Succeed and now, obviously, a lawyer with her own practice
Played by: Me
Why there’s no photo of me right here: Because photographer.
Snazzy accessories: Graduation gown and a button that says “The Greatest.” Also, business cards and Harvard T-shirt.
Characteristics I added: Just kept telling everyone how I went to Harvard Law and was valedictorian. And how I do all kinds of law, so if anyone needed legal representation.
Fun fact: Totally didn’t go to Harvard. Also laughed most of the night so I didn’t really have any good lines.

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Steve Spielson – AV geek turned Hollywood producer or whatever he was.
Supposed to be played by: Cory
Was actually played by: Oreo

Oh, P.S.: Mugshots.

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Photo of the Week

In an effort to make myself do more photography besides when I’m paid or asked to do it, I’m making myself start a Photo of the Week feature.

This first one isn’t one I took, personally, but I’m in it – which is rare for me to post on here. It’s from our New Year’s party the other night, where we did a murder mystery, something careful/long-term/nosy readers will notice is on my list.

More about that in an upcoming post, but for now, enjoy this picture of my sisters and I after several adult beverages. And yes, I do have a marker-drawn teardrop tattoo. #tough

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I see (more) famous people

OK, so where were we?

Oh. EMILIO!! “The Mighty Ducks man, I swear to God.” If you know what that quote’s from then I love you. If not, I have a movie to recommend to you.

Anyways. So we met Emilio. And his friend whose name I really don’t remember but she was super nice and made friends with us immediately at Celebrity Day at the Downs.

It’s hilarious too, ’cause she was like, “What celebrity are you guys most excited to see?” And we were like, “Um, Emilio, duh.” And she was like, “Seriously???” And then told us how they had dinner with his dad the night before, “You know, Martin Sheen.” Yeah, we know who his dad is, lady, and also his brother’s real crazy, now, how can we get in this movie?

Well, Emilio was also on the guest list for the huge party the next night, the night before Derby – the Barnstable Brown Gala. Those of you unfamiliar with Derby madness, it’s an elite party hosted by former Doublemint Twins and all the money (or lots of it) goes to charity. It’s where most of the celebrities go when they’re in town to see the race, and it’s insane.

People basically camp out outside the house hours and hours before the party, to catch a glimpse of people as they come in and walk the mini-red carpet. And you don’t get in unless you have a TON of money, know someone who does, or somehow work for the party – or the press.

That’s where I come in. One of the biggest press perks is getting in places you wouldn’t otherwise get in to. Cause there’s no way this girl would be there unless the situation was like it was this year – when my job required me to go take pics of the famous folks. DARN.

So I bought a fancy dress (fancy for me anyway, cause I usually only wear dresses for super special occasions. I’m working on changing that though. Bear with me. And my whitey white legs) and put on eyeliner for a change. (That’s how you know shit is getting real.)

My goals for the night were simple, meet Emilio again and get a picture this time and also meet another celebrity that is majorly important in my universe – Terry O’Quinn, aka John Locke, aka the BAMF from LOST. Oh and I also wanted some swag if we were allowed to take it.

Back to the John Locke thing for a second – when LOST was on, I was damn near obsessed. And that man on that show was the best thing about it (aside from Naveen Andrews, yum). His character is one of my most favorite from any television show ever and when I heard he was going to be at Barnstable, I knew I had to meet him before the night was over.

Four of us from the office went to the party, two of whom stayed down on the Red Carpet and then another co-worker and I parked ourselves higher up on the hill, mainly because neither of us is afraid to talk to anyone, and would probably have better luck. And that plan proved to be the best one, ’cause that’s where we saw everyone.

Here’s a quick look at a couple that stopped – and a couple that barely stopped.

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Fun fact: The (Now Former) Roommate had met the other love of his life (besides his wife) the day before at a concert, Miranda Lambert. When I saw her at the party and before asking for a picture of her and her friends I told her she’d made his life when they met and she said I was sweet. (Now I’m like 2 degrees from Adam Levine).

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Tom Brady basically ran by because he thinks he’s a big deal but no one cared all that much. And then we made friends with Darryl McDaniels (the DMC of RunDMC, so, ya know, NBD.)

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When Terry O’Quinn showed up, you could tell where the LOST fans were – I heard a few screams of excitement and then saw him start to walk up the hill. And that’s when my legs stopped working.

I got really clammy and dumb and ALMOST called him John Locke when I stopped him and asked him for a picture. I had so many questions for him – about the show, about his character, about if Naveen is as hot in real life, but yeah, I just smiled. And tried to breathe.

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John Mother-Effing Locke and I. Buds.

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Then we saw our buddy Garrett again, and talked to him about his winnings from The Oaks ’cause we are cool like that.

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And then, speaking of buddies, I saw my friend from the track the day before – Emilio’s friend. We talked for a little bit like it was nothing, just me and her and Ed and Emilio, then I worked up the nerve to ask him for a pic.

And he said “Sure, sweetie” and I quacked under my breath and the rest is history. I will cherish this photo forever.

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