Squirrel…dry cleaner…same thing

My parents are not making it easy on themselves when it comes to keeping them out of the blog. Everything will be fine and dandy and uneventful and then we go out to dinner with them and I wish I had it on video.

Since I don’t, you’ll have to settle for a partial transcript of part of our evening the other night. Scene: Me, Rachel, Mom and Dad at dinner at a Chinese restaurant near their house. We are each talking about our day and about work and Rachel is a few minutes into a story about her job when Mom speaks up.

Mom, looking across the restaurant while Rachel is still talking: “Is that my dry cleaner?”
Dad, looking too: “Did you pick up my suit?”
Rachel, looking at me because she’s just realized I’m the only one really paying attention: “Anyway, Laura…”

It’s a lot like this with them sometimes:


In this family, you better like movies

Among the things heard randomly at a recent game night at my parents’ house – we were playing Risk: “‘We lost a lot of good men out there.’ ‘On the Yankees?’ ‘Yeah, like, to trades and stuff..'” and “Crazy Old Maurice…”

Recognize either one of those? ‘Cause they’re quotes from completely different movies. Wedding Crashers and Beauty and the Beast.

That’s par for the course though – in my house, there was/is always a movie quote (or several) thrown into conversation.

Do we watch too many? Eh. It’s possible. If running out of room for DVDs in my parents basement console and in my entertainment center at my apartment is any indication, then, yeah, maybe.

I don’t know. It’s just always been something we’ve done. We’ve worked them into conversation whenever possible. And there’s a few that I’m pretty sure if you said anywhere outside of our house, people would look at you like you were nuts.

But here’s some things that get said among my parents, sisters and I on a pretty regular basis. If you know what movie they’re all from, well, you’d fit right in. And it’s probably why we keep you around anyway.

“You’re killing me, Smalls.” (My mom even has this as her favorite quote on her Facebook profile).

“You play ball like a girl.”

“Bad form.”

“There’s no crying in baseball.” (Or substitute anything else for baseball).

“I can handle anyone. I’ve been with Del Griffith.”

“Is butter a carb?”

“I really want to lose three pounds.”

“Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?” (When we answer the phone sometimes during Christmas)

“Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.”

“I hate Uncle Jamie.” (Said with a British accent.)

“You talkin’ to me?” (This is strictly a dad one.)

“Ouchhh.” (Said while touching someone’s index finger with yours.)

“We’re burnin’ daylight.”


“We’re on a mission from God.”

“Yo, Adrian!”

“Who’s on First?”

“Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”

“That’s real nass, Clark.”

“There’s no place like home” and “I do believe in ghosts” (As quoted by a four-year-old Rachel in the backseat of the car).

“You’re going the WRONG WAY!”

“What do you think the temperature is?” “One.”

“This better be a short game, I gotta get home for lunch.”

“Is that your sister out there in left field? Naked? She’s naked…”

“What is she doing back there? I never know what she’s doing.”

“Lock it up.” “You lock it up.” “You lock it up.”

“Cabin fever, ah.”

“Make me a bicycle, clown.”


“You shut your mouth when you’re talkin’ to me.”

“I hear my mom comin’, I gotta go to bed.”

“My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

“Houston, we have a problem.”

“I see dead people.”

And with that, “So long, farewell, auf wiedersein, good night.”