When you hang out with teenagers

You overhear a number of different things, but one thing remains the same: You never have any idea what they will say. They’re kind of like toddlers in that way…

Case in point, overheard at a recent youth group meeting:

“My mom cut our hair but we had to stop when she got my ear once.”

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ANOTHER magical night

Once upon a time my girls and I had a Girls Night and watched Magic Mike.

Another night, we got brave and decided to do crafts and watch the best sequel of all time, Magic Mike XXL.

What follows, as before, is the unfiltered commentary overheard (from me by them) during the run of that beautiful film.

Enjoy.

———————————————

What happened at the end of the last one?

Is that awful girl in this?

Aw he has his furniture business!

I could watch him carry furniture all day.

He’s gonna drop it.
No he’s not going to ‘cause he’s a furniture specialist.

He can have a nicer car cause he has a business.

Pectorals.

I feel good about this scene.

Wait does Channing Tatum have bad teeth?

He should always chew gum all the time. Because of the jaw.

What if his worker guy came back?

I don’t understand?
It’s just about the camaraderie.

Wait where is Jacksonville? Is it on a beach?

This is the worst movie ever

This scene is lasting way too long.

Is he bandaged?

How is (Matt Bomer) not gay in this movie? He’s wearing a sarong.

What’s that? Molly?

(At the same time) It’s like ecstasy, It’s like cocaine

Is that Amy Schumer?

This is about to be weird.
This is about to be the best part of the movie.

Backstreet Boys, he loves them!

I would say “please clean up those Cheetos.”
He’s making a mess!

I’m not mad at this.

They’re littering so much. They’re gonna get pulled over for littering.

Is he asleep?

The car disappeared in the woods.

You don’t stay there for two days with a concussion. Or get oxygen.

They’re coming off the molly.

(Girl in uncomfortable pose) Whoa. Good for her.

TWITCH

I feel like she’s the lady in pirates of the Caribbean where you can’t understand what she does.

Oh Michael Strahan!

I feel like he should not have been allowed to do this.

He’s on television every morning!

Shhhhh. Twitch.

Pick up your money!

Oh god.

We have to listen to how hot this is.

Take your pants off, Jesus.

Childish Gambino: “he’s a magician”

I don’t even have a fucking clue what’s going on in this movie anymore.

Jada is a badass.
She’s a mom!
You can be a mom and a badass.

Do they sleep together? I hope they do..

What’s his name in this movie?
Mike.

Do they have to sign a medical waiver before they go to this place?

This is basically sex.

Rewind that so I can take a picture.

I got so excited I dropped my phone.

He’s everywhere.

He’s not picking up the money?
No somebody else picks it up later. They have somebody to do that.

Long discussion about Matt Bomer’s sexuality.

She looks like she’s dirty.
That’s ‘cause she’s married to Johnny Depp.

I hate everything about this.
Once again this scene is lasting too long.

Way to bring the mood down.

This part just really throws the whole mood off.

I’m so embarrassed. I don’t understand this scene.

This is a Christian movie.

Wait, rewind that. That’s the best part of the movie.

Every time they show Tarzan: Ew

Don’t forget your friend in the hospital!!

It’s taken them two days to get somewhere that takes six hours. They must have left on like a Tuesday!

Oh they got a new DJ to replace the dead one.

Lollipops – they’re gonna pick it up with their butts.

Are they gonna dance to lollipop? (sings old version)
NO NOT THE 1950s doo wop version.

Are they sewing?

I like this montage cause nobody is talking.

Myrtle Beach! Finally.

Her hair looks bad. It’s a low budget film

Typical. Racist. Sparkles.

I’m afraid they’re gonna be birds.
I’m afraid they’re gonna pick up the lollipops with their butts.

Oh god. Here we go.

I’m not prepared. Dear God.

Tarzan – get him out of the way first.

He is a bird!!

THAT IS SO MUCH!

D’angelo! OMG! That video – nobody? We are 30.

This is how people get hurt!

Herrow.

He looks GOOD in a tux (Joe Manganiello)

I don’t know what to do with my hands.

Why am I clapping?

This is the best wedding ever.

Suddenly I want a sex swing.
I’m getting one. How much do they cost? Do they sell them on Amazon?

She’s still in the swing.

How do you get to be an extra in this movie?

I want pleather pants – they sell them at Express.

He’s so hot.

This is absurd. This is the quietest we have been the whole movie

I feel like you shouldn’t be allowed to do this to strangers.

I can’t breathe.

Can we watch it again?

Twitch is hung.

I’m still not sure if this a competition or not.

Oh she’s still in the swing.

Yay he’s back!!! It’s Enrique Iglesias!

Remember when the swing came out and I didn’t know what to do with my hands?

Channing your life is still shit!

Tell me that’s the end. Yes!

Maybe wait a little longer…

Among my 6 million jobs currently getting me to the next time I have full-time employment is babysitting. I’ve been doing a lot of hanging out with children under the age of 5 this summer.  

And that, as you may know, can come with some great stories. Because you never know what they will say. 

Take, for example, young Cooper, age 3, who talked up a storm when I took him to school the other day. 

Best thing he said though was about his future career goals: “I only have to go to school until I’m 17. And then, if somebody needs a dad, I can be their dad!” 

Self-esteem boosters with Sarah

It’s been a while since we’ve done one of these, but I also just had the privilege of spending a week with her during our youth trip to Montreat.

And in all of the ways, the trip did not disappoint.

Of note, in a regular minivan packed with 10 youth and two adults, there’s a lot of conversations happening and you can only hear pieces sometimes.

Someone: “Let’s have a competition to see…” (I forget what they said)

Sarah: “Let’s have a competition to see who has the biggest butt. Laura would win though..”

Grandpa Kardashian and Grandmother Nollner

Sometimes when our immediate family is together, we talk about when my parents become grandparents one day, what they might be called.

Growing up, we just called all four grandparents “Grandma” and “Grandpa.” And differentiated with last names when we needed to (mainly Christmas present labels).

But now it’s a little different. And my sisters and I have talked about what we might want our future kids to call our parents. Then we have run a few by Mom and Dad.

A frontrunner for Mom is from Sami’s BFF and one of our unofficial/official adopted sisters, Kate. She calls one of her grandmas “Grandmother Nollner.” So naturally, we told Mom that’s what we’d have our kids call her. In a posh accent because how else should you say it. Let me reiterate. That name exactly. Even though our last name is not Nollner.

Dad has known he wants to be Pawpaw (sp?) for a while. That’s what his grandpa was called, and he was the only great-grandparent still living and that we got to know growing up. However, when we were debating names for Mom to go by, he wasn’t so sure he’d get his way (having a house full of girls his whole life? Can’t imagine why he’d think that).

So while we looked online for trendy names for Grandpas, he kind of complained aloud: “I’m probably gonna be Grandpa Kardashian or something.”

 

#TBT – Roughing it

In October, we took a bunch of the youth from our youth group to a couple cabins in the woods about an hour away from Louisville. It was an awesome weekend, that I hope we replicate this fall.

And boy, did it make for some good overheard quotes. Like this one, which I saved in my phone all this time and may be my favorite from the whole weekend:

“I took a cold shower and nothing’s been the same.”

#camping

Self-esteem boosters with Sarah

This week in youth group our topic for discussion was one of the questions the youth had submitted last semester. The question was, “What does God think is beautiful?”

So, naturally, the conversation started with us asking the kids what they thought was beautiful and we made a list. The boys surprisingly mentioned scenery, except for one mention of Megan Fox.

Then it was Sarah’s turn.

Me: “Sarah, what do you think is beautiful?”
Her: “You!”
Me: “No, seriously.”
Her: “You! Add it to the list.”

That girl…

Self-esteem boosters with Sarah

She’s been quiet with the compliments (backhanded and otherwise) for a while, but never fear, today she made up for it.

When we were getting ready to get in cars and head over to do a service project, she and three other middle school girls claimed my car for the trip over. However…

“Laura’s car always smells like a cat for some reason..”

I don’t even know…

Self-esteem boosters with Sarah

Be honest, you thought I’d have run out of these already, didn’t you?

Ah, then you don’t know Sarah. They just keep on comin’.

The most recent was on Christmas Eve, when she got a little confused about who I was talking about and assumed it was a guy I was seeing.

When I corrected her assumption?

“You could have a boyfriend, you know. You’re really darn attractive.”