Irrational Pet Peeve of the Week

I’ve been slacking as of late – remember that one time, two weeks ago, when I had something for you every day? Yeah.. hope you didn’t get used to it.

Not that I’m going to go all MIA on you or anything. It’s just, I’ve been busy. Plus there’s several other posts I’m working on for you but you haven’t seen them yet – like the one about how this is the best time of the year besides Christmas. On account of I live in Louisville. And if you don’t, well, you probably don’t understand.

Oh, also I gave up sodas. It’s been 8 days. Not as hard as I thought it’d be. The withdrawals haven’t been too bad, I just find myself longing for a large Coke from McDonalds – because they use extra syrup and it’s delicious – about once every 17 hours, as opposed to 17 minutes.

Addictions are hard to quit, people.

Anyway. None of this has anything to do with why I’m writing tonight, which is to remind you that when I don’t have suggestions on Sunday nights, you’re gonna get pet peeves. Because those are fun. And annoying. And seriously, doesn’t this stuff bother anyone else?

I told you about how I loathe window decals that show every single member of your family as stick figures, including your two cats, five fish and three dogs. No one cares. And when someone comes to kidnap your child they’ll know the kid’s name already and probably some of their interests, because you’ve displayed it for the whole world to see on the back of your Dodge Caravan.

Next up on things that drive me nuts – probably irrationally, but whatever – is, wait for it….. WHEN PEOPLE TALK IN UNISON.

I don’t care if you’re twins. I don’t care if you’re cheerleaders. I don’t care if your team is on TV and they’ve told you to say something together for the camera.

It just sounds weird. And it’s awkward. I dunno why it bothers me, but especially when they have a team or some teenagers or something come into the radio station and announce the top five at whenever and they said “You’re listening to blah blah blah” it’s just dumb.

In my opinion, the only times a group of people should speak in unison is when you’re jumping up at a birthday party yelling “SURPRISE!” and when you’re in church. Otherwise? Unacceptable.

Why does it bother me so much? I wish I knew. Maybe ’cause it’s corny? And I’d say I don’t like when things are corny and cheesy but that would be a lie because do you know how many Glee songs I have on my iPod?

Plus there is the inevitable person who isn’t paying attention and is a couple seconds behind and then you sound like none of you were prepared and really why do that many people have to say the exact same thing at the exact same time anyway? What does that accomplish? Is it because they’re trying to be fair?

I don’t care if someone else will get the attention for saying something, I don’t have to say it in unison with other people. Leave me out of it.

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Top 10, take two

To kick off blog birthday week, my suggestions this week are a bit on the self-promotion side.

OK, they’re all the way on the self-promotion side. I can’t lie to you guys.

This week my blog turns two. Hopefully, unlike I’ve heard it is with kids, this two-year-old won’t have anything remotely close to terrible. But that’s really for you all to decide I guess.

Anyway. As I did last year around this time, I’ve compiled a list (and y’all know how I love me some lists) of ten of my favorite blog posts I’ve written this year. Last year I put them in order, but this year, for the sake of a little bit of chaos, they’ll be in no particular order.

If you’ve read ’em already, thanks. If you haven’t, well, now you’ve got something to do while you’re procrastinating on whatever else you should be doing right now.

So, for your reading – or re-reading – pleasure:

1. There was that time I gave you basically a day inside my brain, a.k.a. a hypochondriac’s brain.

2. CKR. If you don’t know what it means, you really don’t need to. But here’s a little peek at one of our weekends together.

3. What does your family do on holidays? ‘Cause mine talks about who would be king – or queen – when if we were royalty.

4. Oh hey. Did you hear about how I had appendicitis? Yeah. That was a blast.

5. One day me and my sisters are gonna have our own cooking show. Except for the fact that none of us can cook, it should be awesome.

6. I did a couple more of those things where I list the Texts From Last Night that sound like my friends. This one was probably the best so far.

7. In one weird poetry-writing mood I was in, I decided to write haikus about my favorite television channel.

8. I have read – and seen – Twilight. But that doesn’t mean I like it.

9. I live with a boy. He is my best friend. But we do not give each other compliments.

10. About a year ago, I got my first massage ever. During this massage, the masseuse kind of yelled at me and then told me afterwards that I wasn’t a virgin. Peaceful.

Happy reading!

In lieu of a suggestion…kind of

So Sunday’s the day I usually give you a suggestion of some sort – read this, see that, don’t waste your time, this is amazing, blah blah blah. Well I don’t really have a suggestion for you tonight.

But that doesn’t mean I’ll leave you hangin’. On nights like these, when I don’t have something I want to share, we’re going to have a little feature I’ll call “Irrational Pet Peeve of the Week.” I’ve been noticing lately that I have some of those. And I think you should be aware.

For our first-ever irrational pet peeve, we’ve got those decals on the back windows of people’s cars that have little stick people representing their family. Sometimes they have names underneath, sometimes there’s a dog or cat or someone’s holding a soccer ball…

I don’t know why they annoy me, really. But they do. I can’t help it. Maybe because EVERYONE seems to have them, at least over on my side of town. Be original. And now they’ve got like the flip-flop ones and stuff – whoo hoo, you can go to the beach all the time. And you have three kids. And little Jessi is a ballerina and Mike plays soccer. Oh and you have six cats? Wow.

If you’re gonna do something like that, make it unique. Make it your own. Make it more representative of your family than just some stick people. Any five-year-old could draw that yet someone has taken it and made it into thousands of bucks I’m sure because people want the drivers behind them to know exactly who might be in the car in front of them.

That said – and maybe I’m just a nerd, but I really don’t care – these are some that would be perfectly acceptable, in my opinion. (I’m somewhat partial to the Super Mario Bros. ones).

So. There you have it. It’s kind of a suggestion, I guess. Don’t put the little stick people family on your car window. Or I may have to re-evaluate my opinion of you.

The end of an era

So my love affair with Johnny Depp – the Depp that starred in such awesomeness as Edward Scissorhands, Benny and Joon, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, Blow, Sweeney Todd and the FIRST (only the first) Pirates of the Carribbean – is over.

Yep. It was good while it lasted, Johnny, but I can’t do it anymore. With the exception of Sweeney Todd, your movies during the past few years have just gotten progressively worse. I mean, really? Four Pirates movies? I’ll see ’em all, but really you should’ve stopped at the one. Two was bearable and three made me hate Keira Knightley AND Orlando Bloom – the latter of which wasn’t so hard to get to because he sucks so bad in Troy.

I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt. So that’s why, this past weekend, when visiting one of my favorite families in Frankfort, I was beyond down for seeing the new cartoon you do the voice for, Rango.

I expected better from you, sir. I really did. It was lame! It kind of had no plot. And it was an hour too long and the two kids I was with, who really wanted to see the movie, fell asleep during it! I would have too but I drank an entire Pepsi while watching – which I should really learn not to do, but I was thirsty – and had to keep getting up to pee.

It was just…weird. And I’m a fan of cartoons. Despicable Me is one of my all-time favorite cartoons and it just came out last year. So I’ll give them a chance. And I gave you a chance with Rango, Mr. Depp. And you disappointed me.

For shame.

You need to see this movie, trust me

Rent/buy/borrow/download “The Town.” If you haven’t already, I mean.

Not gonna lie, probably the best movie I’ve seen in the last year, at least. It’s like Ocean’s 11, except badass. And in Boston, so the accents are wicked ah-some. Oh and Ben Affleck looks pretty good in it.

When I told people I’d seen it they thought it was scary, on account of several previews showed the bank robbers in creepy nun masks, a part that actually accounts for about 5 or 10 minutes of the actual movie.

Besides kind of making me want to rob a bank – JUST KIDDING – the movie really just made me want to move to Boston. Among the reasons – I’m a Red Sox fan and I want that accent.

When we saw the movie in the theater, Hope and I started practicing – like in the beginning when the camera pans over a bunch of boats out in the water. And I look at Hope and say “That’s the hah-ba.”

My horrible attempt at an accent aside, it’s a pretty great movie. And if you don’t like it…well, don’t get me stah-ted.

Better than Twilight – which, lets face it, pretty much everything is

You know how I feel about vampires.

I’m all for this one:

And not so much for this one:

But there is a series of books about vampires that I did like, because it wasn’t about some weak girl having to be saved by a vampire all the time and blah blah blah. Don’t get me wrong, I like the Sookie Stackhouse series – though I prefer True Blood even more because HAVE YOU SEEN JASON STACKHOUSE?

About a year ago, a friend suggested I read this book called “Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal.” It’s an – obviously fictional – account of Jesus’ childhood, teenage years and the other history we don’t see in the Bible, told from the point of view of his funny, rebellious, less-Christlike best friend, Biff. The writer, Christopher Moore, hooked me with that book and in the five other books of his I’ve read since, I’ve liked more of them than I’ve hated – three in particular. And guess what they’re about? Vampires.

The trilogy – “Bloodsucking Fiends,” “You Suck, A Love Story” and “Bite Me” chronicle a young couple turned into vampires and the problems that come with it. All three of them – especially “You Suck” kept me up reading way past my bedtime in an effort to finish them as soon as possible, they were that good.

They – and “Lamb” – aren’t for everyone. But if you have any sort of sense of humor and like your vampires a little less dramatic and frowny and Kristen-Stewart-less, you should check ’em out.

When surfing the Internets

This week’s suggestions are for if you want some ideas for Christmas shopping, or stuff to read in between visiting sites to do your Christmas shopping.

They’re either sites I’ve bookmarked or sites suggested to me by friends or family. The shopping ones are cool if you have some one you have no idea what to buy for. The others will just make you laugh – hopefully – amid the shopping stress.

Enjoy.

1. Claudia’s Room If you ever read a Babysitter’s Club book, you will LYAO at this site, where a girl about my age re-reads all the books and provides hilarious commentary on it

2. Autocorrect hilarity Have an iPhone? Or another phone that auto-corrects? Because if you do you know the pain. This happens to me a lot but most recently when I was trying to tell someone what’s in burgoo. Instead of “other things” I said “other thongs.” Yeah…

3. Amazon If you haven’t shopped on this site you’re crazy. Stuff is cheap and this site is responsible for the majority of my book and movie collection.

4. Uncommon Goods For Christmas a couple years ago my aunt bought us some stuff from this site. I have a bag that’s made out of laminated newspaper. Cool, weird stuff. For cheap.

5. Perpetual Kid Roommate told me about this and it’s my new favorite thing. I really need to find someone to buy for off this site. Too funny not to.

Take a look, it’s in a book

A few months ago, I went to Half-Price Books (best bookstore in the world, if you ask me) and spent about $50 buying a huge stack of books. On account of I LOVE TO READ.

So this week’s suggestions are authors I think you should check out. It’ll be worth it, I promise. Have I ever steered you wrong?

Don’t answer that.

Authors to add to your list:
1. Christopher Moore.
He has a very unique writing style and I’ve only liked about half of his books, but they ones I like are great. For example, “Lamb.” It’s the story of Jesus from age 3 to 30 told by his fictional best friend Biff, because there’s really nothing in the Bible about that time in his life. I was told about it by the seminary intern at my church and I have since recommended it to several people. It’s funny, it’s sweet, it’s worth a read. If not, buy one of his vampire books, they’re pretty great too.

2. David Sedaris.
Have a sense of humor? Because all his writing is funny. It’s short memoirs and they’re about some of the most random things. He’s the first writer who has made me laugh out loud while reading his stuff. “Me Talk Pretty One Day” is, in my opinion, his best one, but really, they’re all great.

3. Stephen King.
Duh. If you haven’t read at least one of his books, you should. They’re not all scary. “The Green Mile” is a good one to start with. Or “Eyes of the Dragon.” But don’t read “IT.” Because clowns are the devil.

4. Celebrities that have written memoirs.
I have books by Tori Spelling (don’t judge) and Kristen Chenoweth. On my Amazon wish list that’s currently loaded with books and seasons of TV on DVD, I have books written by a few other famous people. I’m not gonna tell you who, because I’ve already severely diminished my cool factor by telling you I have Tori Spelling’s book. But I promise it’s an interesting read.

5. Jeff Lindsay.
One of the best shows, um, ever, is Dexter. And the books are just as awesome. I’ve only read the first two but the rest are on my list. And if they’re anything like the past few seasons have been, I will love them too.

So there ya go – GET TO READING!

Tradition (just imagine me saying it like Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof)

In honor of that awesome holiday that’s only four days away, tonight my suggestions are going to revolve around some rules that I abide by and traditions I take part in during and around Thanksgiving. And if you do them too, I guarantee they’ll make the holiday even better.

1. Watch “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” the night before Thanksgiving.
My family has always watched this either on Thanksgiving or Thanksgiving Eve. It’s the only movie I’ve ever seen based around this holiday and it’s got Steve Martin and John Candy (RIP) who are both hilarious. And Kevin Bacon’s in it for a minute – so take note, anyone who ever plays Six Degrees to Kevin Bacon. Also, it’s by John Hughes, so you really can’t go wrong.

Plus there’s this scene. Which is awesome. P.s. If kids are nearby…. EARMUFFS.

2. Make green bean casserole.
It’s really cheap, really easy to make and delicious. So if you need to contribute to the dinner in some way, it’s a good idea. It’s all I can really do, I’m just sayin’.

3. Don’t put up the Christmas stuff until at least Saturday.
ONE HOLIDAY AT A TIME, PEOPLE. I can hold off watching “Home Alone,” “Christmas Vacation,” “Elf and “A Christmas Story” until my turkey’s digested properly. You can wait too.

4. Gamble.
Maybe it’s just my family, but when we all get together, usually some form of gambling or games is involved. Especially at holidays. Like Derby. Thanksgiving’s usually when we go to Churchill Downs. And lose money on horse racing for the last weekend the track is open until spring. Good times.

5. Watch the dog show that’s on after the parade.
Or don’t, I don’t care. But that’s what me and my sister and cousin will be doing. We give new names to the dogs and talk about how ugly some of them are. And decide which ones we want. And discuss how a male poodle even exists – they all look like girls.

On account of a short work week and loads more free time then usual, you’ll hear back from me more this week than last. And look for some lists – you know how I like lists – from me and some guest bloggers Thursday about what we’re thankful for. You’ll love it. Promise.

P.s. Hope you enjoyed Steve Martin and all the f-bombs. If you didn’t? Well…loosen up. It’s the holidays.

Trust me, I’m a blogger.

Tonight marks the first in a new segment we here at onaccountof are calling “Sunday Night Suggestions.”

What does that mean, you ask? Well, hold on a dang minute and I’ll tell you. Geez.

From now on, each Sunday night, I will give you a list (don’t act like you’re surprised that I’m making a list) of five things. Sometimes it will be music, sometimes it will be blogs/blog posts, sometimes it will be things I’m looking forward to during the week I think you should take part in as well. Basically, I think I am qualified to suggest these things to you. On account of this is my blog.

So. Here we go. First-ever Sunday Night Suggestions. Don’t call it first annual because that’s not a real expression. Kind of like when people say “that’s a good ideal.” Just shhh.

This week’s suggestions: Music.

Here are the five songs I’ve had on repeat all weekend and I expect to get me through the work week. Thanks, iPhone!

1. Grenade, Bruno Mars. I don’t know what it is about this guy, but I like him.

2. Teenage Dream, Glee soundtrack. OMG OMG OMG OMG. Acapella. Amazing.

3. One Love, Glee soundtrack. Yes, none can top the original. And Jason Mraz does a damn good cover too. But this one has my heart for the moment. Partially because Artie sings half the song. And I love him.

4. Machine Gun, Sara Bareilles. Title sounds violent, song sounds awesome. Saw this lady in concert a week ago. She’s fantastic. I want to be her. Or at least her best friend.

5. You and Me, Holly Conlan. She opened for Sara Bareilles at the concert. You will like her if you like the following: songs that make you want to hug people, songs that belong on a Grey’s Anatomy soundtrack, GOOD MUSIC.

Thanks for your time. Now, get to downloading.