Once upon a time my girls and I had a Girls Night and watched Magic Mike.
Another night, we got brave and decided to do crafts and watch the best sequel of all time, Magic Mike XXL.
What follows, as before, is the unfiltered commentary overheard (from me by them) during the run of that beautiful film.
What happened at the end of the last one?
Is that awful girl in this?
Aw he has his furniture business!
I could watch him carry furniture all day.
He’s gonna drop it.
No he’s not going to ‘cause he’s a furniture specialist.
He can have a nicer car cause he has a business.
I feel good about this scene.
Wait does Channing Tatum have bad teeth?
He should always chew gum all the time. Because of the jaw.
What if his worker guy came back?
I don’t understand?
It’s just about the camaraderie.
Wait where is Jacksonville? Is it on a beach?
This is the worst movie ever
This scene is lasting way too long.
Is he bandaged?
How is (Matt Bomer) not gay in this movie? He’s wearing a sarong.
What’s that? Molly?
(At the same time) It’s like ecstasy, It’s like cocaine
Is that Amy Schumer?
This is about to be weird.
This is about to be the best part of the movie.
Backstreet Boys, he loves them!
I would say “please clean up those Cheetos.”
He’s making a mess!
I’m not mad at this.
They’re littering so much. They’re gonna get pulled over for littering.
Is he asleep?
The car disappeared in the woods.
You don’t stay there for two days with a concussion. Or get oxygen.
They’re coming off the molly.
(Girl in uncomfortable pose) Whoa. Good for her.
I feel like she’s the lady in pirates of the Caribbean where you can’t understand what she does.
Oh Michael Strahan!
I feel like he should not have been allowed to do this.
He’s on television every morning!
Pick up your money!
We have to listen to how hot this is.
Take your pants off, Jesus.
Childish Gambino: “he’s a magician”
I don’t even have a fucking clue what’s going on in this movie anymore.
Jada is a badass.
She’s a mom!
You can be a mom and a badass.
Do they sleep together? I hope they do..
What’s his name in this movie?
Do they have to sign a medical waiver before they go to this place?
This is basically sex.
Rewind that so I can take a picture.
I got so excited I dropped my phone.
He’s not picking up the money?
No somebody else picks it up later. They have somebody to do that.
Long discussion about Matt Bomer’s sexuality.
She looks like she’s dirty.
That’s ‘cause she’s married to Johnny Depp.
I hate everything about this.
Once again this scene is lasting too long.
Way to bring the mood down.
This part just really throws the whole mood off.
I’m so embarrassed. I don’t understand this scene.
This is a Christian movie.
Wait, rewind that. That’s the best part of the movie.
Every time they show Tarzan: Ew
Don’t forget your friend in the hospital!!
It’s taken them two days to get somewhere that takes six hours. They must have left on like a Tuesday!
Oh they got a new DJ to replace the dead one.
Lollipops – they’re gonna pick it up with their butts.
Are they gonna dance to lollipop? (sings old version)
NO NOT THE 1950s doo wop version.
Are they sewing?
I like this montage cause nobody is talking.
Myrtle Beach! Finally.
Her hair looks bad. It’s a low budget film
Typical. Racist. Sparkles.
I’m afraid they’re gonna be birds.
I’m afraid they’re gonna pick up the lollipops with their butts.
Oh god. Here we go.
I’m not prepared. Dear God.
Tarzan – get him out of the way first.
He is a bird!!
THAT IS SO MUCH!
D’angelo! OMG! That video – nobody? We are 30.
This is how people get hurt!
He looks GOOD in a tux (Joe Manganiello)
I don’t know what to do with my hands.
Why am I clapping?
This is the best wedding ever.
Suddenly I want a sex swing.
I’m getting one. How much do they cost? Do they sell them on Amazon?
She’s still in the swing.
How do you get to be an extra in this movie?
I want pleather pants – they sell them at Express.
He’s so hot.
This is absurd. This is the quietest we have been the whole movie
I feel like you shouldn’t be allowed to do this to strangers.
I can’t breathe.
Can we watch it again?
Twitch is hung.
I’m still not sure if this a competition or not.
Oh she’s still in the swing.
Yay he’s back!!! It’s Enrique Iglesias!
Remember when the swing came out and I didn’t know what to do with my hands?
Channing your life is still shit!
Tell me that’s the end. Yes!