As I’ve said before – my Game Night Bitchezzz and I have a GroupMe thread that’s been going on basically forever and it’s the best thing to happen to all of us, ever.
The conversations that go on in there I couldn’t explain if I tried, and I love that. They range in topic by the text, just about, and I laugh out loud reading them constantly.
The texts below aren’t from the GroupMe because what happens in there stays there, but they’re close. Some of them a little TOO close. The texts below are the ones from textsfromlastnight.com that sound like my friends. I’ve shared those a few times with you at this point..
And here are the latest. Enjoy.
(+61): only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece.
(570): Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with “I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me”.
(515): Can’t a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
(540): I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don’t have to leave my bed all day.
(773): please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
(403): Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
(661): What a dumb baby whore.
(405): She’s like the pied piper of lesbians.
(717): Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
(505): There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted “the pilgrims are here!” And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
(604): every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
(410): I’ve been drunk in my life. But I’ve never been “crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon” drunk
(202): there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
(920) This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won’t throw up but I might cry.
(563) I don’t want to jinx anything but I may have found the one
(262) Cat or human?
(563) Human
(813): He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
(303): My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because “I looked like I needed them.”
(267): Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
(816): You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption “best friend”
(919): every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like “thanks happy birthday to you too”
(941): Thanks for coming over. I’m sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
(618):There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I’m at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
(972): If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
(585): PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
(+44): This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he’s licking his headphone cords.
(201): I didn’t know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
(407): The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
(201): I didn’t know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
(248): After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
(305):And then my night got REAL pukey
(913):Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
(919):I’m so hungover I can’t taste anything
(217):I get a little bitchy. We all know that
(920): Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
(864): I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
(201): Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
(617): you wouldn’t let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled “BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT” and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
(508): it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
(636): I’m the Oprah of jello shots
(972): I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
(301): You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
(954): Cause I’ll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell “Cobra attack” and walk away
(989): I don’t want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
On account of... 