I don’t really care about The Dude

Once upon a time, I tried to watch a movie that seemingly everyone had already seen and said was awesome. And I just so happen to live in a city that celebrates said movie with a huge event. And I didn’t really like it/get what all the fuss was about. I turned it off less than halfway through.

Now don’t judge me, but it’s The Big Lebowski.

I KNOW. Travesty, right?

So I’m going to give it another shot. And stream-of-consciousness-ish/share some of my thoughts for you during. You may remember me doing this with another supposed bit of amazingness that I am not all that in love with.

Here we go.

Is Jeff Bridges narrating the movie about Jeff Bridges in third person?

Should I have gotten high before this?

This one tumbleweed is rolling on to the beach. Is that even possible? I want to see a tumbleweed in real life. I have lofty goals.

Nobody walks around in their robe in Kroger these days. I kind of wish they did.

I never understood why people dunk peoples’ faces in the toilet or pool or whatever and ask them a question. Can’t answer when their face is in the water. And you made him spill his milk.

Toilet dunking guy is Jacob from LOST. Whoa.

I do like John Goodman, and Turturro. And Jeff Bridges. SO in theory, I should ike this movie. But I dunno.

And Phillip Seymour Hoffman, really? Hmm. Why didn’t I like this last time? ‘Cause I wasn’t high?

Steve Buschemi is so unfortunate-looking.

“It really tied the room together.” I know that’s a big important quote if you’re a fan of this movie. Isn’t it?

The Dude has some luxurious hair. I like it.

Is this the old guy from It’s A Wonderful Life?

I think you should drink every time someone says “Dude” or “Man.” Is that a thing with this movie? It should be. I would have just taken 6 drinks in the time it took to type this sentence.

Tara Reid is in this. Seems to be playing herself.

Do people still bowl in leagues?

John Goodman is holding a gun on someone over a bowling score. He would have been tackled and arrested by now if this was now. Or real. He also has a dog there. You can do anything in California apparently in 1990-whatever it was when this was made.

Oh and the White Russians. I don’t wanna mix liquor with milk. Sounds disgusting. I’m lactose intolerant anyway, so… do they make White Russians with soy?

Is this whole movie about a rug? I feel like I would care less about the plot if I was high.

Speaking of, did he just put that entire joint in his mouth?

Uh oh. Tara Reid got kidnapped. Who cares? What’s-his-face from It’s A Wonderful Life does. And PSH. That’s Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Why must people go by three names?

Is this blog about this movie as boring as this movie? You should have gotten high first maybe.

This is the part where I was going to stop it the first time but there’s John Turturro licking a bowling ball and looking crazy and his name is Jesus so I felt like I needed to give it a few more minutes.

I do think it’s hilarious how mean John Goodman is to Steve Buschemi. “Shut the fuck up, Donnie.”

We are 26 minutes in (out of two hours) and if you’re playing the drinking game, you’re long passed out. Man count: 214. Dude count: 910. Has to be.

Is he listening to bowling on tape on a Walkman?

Oh and now he’s flying over the city. Yep. Definitely should be high for this.

And now the rug is gone again. Who cares about rugs this much?

Hey old-timey car phone. So much 90s nostalgia right now.

John Goodman is nuts. What just happened?

BOWLING IS LIFE.

This is where I turned it off last time.

Did he bring the whole car phone into the bowling alley? And it still works?

John Goodman doesn’t care about Tara Reid. Neither do I.

First his rug and now his car’s stolen? Dude can’t catch a break.

ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE.

This movie is weird. So. Weird.

Tara Reid, your acting in this is not as superb as your acting in Sharknado. YES I SAID IT.

This really is just about a damn rug.

Is The Dude wearing Jellies?

Jellies were the Crocs of the 90s.

That’s a finger isn’t it? Oh nope. A toe. Ouch.

“You want a toe? I can get you a toe. I can get you a toe by 3 o’clock this afternoon.” This is the first time I’ve laughed at this movie. I love John Goodman.

So I might have a new fear. Someone dropping a ferret in the bathtub while I’m in it. Showers FTW.

If you ever wanted to see this movie I can give you two words and you’ll know all you need to: Rug. Bowling.

What an impressive mustache!

I’m so confused. And bored.

LUPIN!

Lupin is creepy AF.

Every time John Goodman says “Shut the fuck up, Donnie,” finish your drink.

Two beers in 2 minutes. I should be drinking.

Bridges’ hair? Still luxurious. That’s all I got on this movie. Why do people like it so much? Like I wouldn’t watch this again probably ever.

Does everyone have stuff to make a White Russian in their house? He has one wherever he goes. I should go look upstairs and see if we do. But we have almond milk. #healthy

Yeah you definitely have to be somehow intoxicated to watch this. And you’d probably be passed out by now. I would. I almost am.

WHAT IS THE POINT

How this movie script was written: Coen brothers got stoned out of their minds and write down every single thought they had. Only explanation.

I am again not impressed. 36 minutes left. I’m going to try and make it. Just to say I did.

There’s Tara Reid. Not kidnapped. With all her toes. TWIST! But not really.

Aaaaand she wasn’t even kidnapped.

Back to the bowling alley. Anyone surprised? Nope. This movie is NOT GOOD.

This movie has no point. Its official.

There’s a man with a sword. John Goodman just knocked Flea out with a bowling ball and bit a man’s ear off. Crazy sonofabitch.

And now Steve Buschemi’s having a heart attack. I don’t understand.

16 minutes left. I wonder how much of that is credits?

Oh shit Donnie died.

“Let’s go bowling.” Really? REALLY?

The Dude abides. AKA The bumper sticker half the city has.

Well. That’s two hours of my life I’ll never get back.

Don’t watch this movie. Unless you’re blitzed. And even then, I’m sure there’s better use of your time.

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