Wanna know what goes through my head as I review the “matches” pre-selected for me by a company I am paying by the month to find me love?
OF COURSE YOU DO.
So, here goes.
OK. Starting with my Singled Out Match of the Day! Oh boy!
Singled Out was a good show. When I was in middle school we played it in the band room one day when we had a sub. I was the contestant. Winner.
Why is he my singled out one? OH. Because we are both interested in bowling. And don’t smoke. SOUL.MATES.
Pretty cute. Let’s read his profile. OK, he puts it out there..”I am not a normal person.” Good to know.
“I love emoticons, 80s music and dominos pizza.” Really? Those are the three you’re going with? Good to know. WTF.
He wants to do nothing but watch football all day Saturdays for four months out of the year. Nothing else. “Outside of those 12 days a year I’m cool with whatever.” Wow..
He’s looking for an athletic/toned, slender girl. Aren’t they all?
Bachelor #3. He looks tall. Cute though. He works out five days a week and plays sports all week. He’s hearing impaired. Interesting.
“My ideal match likes to dress to impress.” So a fashionista? I don’t think that’s me.. Also, who says that?
I “Yes”-ed him anyway. Doesn’t mean anything. No winks or emails. But he’s bookmarked.
Next one? Everything I dislike about the photo side of this game. He has two pictures, both from the same night, one of which I really can’t tell which one is him in because it’s a group of guys at a wedding. Lots of spelling problems. 34. Nope.
Next one’s a military boy. Kind of a sucker for those here lately. Maybe ’cause that’s who keeps popping up on here? Cute though. I said hi in an e-mail. Spittin’ that game.
Next one has three kids. Not ready for all that yet. Two is my limit right now. Moving on.
Next one was Hawaiian. Looked cute, profile was interesting, why not. You get a “Hi.”
Next one – maybe let’s not lead off with the picture that makes you look like a conjoined twin. Secondly, I will not be attempting to pursue anything with someone whose relationship status is “currently separated.” REALLY? It ain’t even legal yet! I’m not looking for adultery! Also, damn! Wait a few to get back in the game.
You look like a serial killer. NOPE.
And we’re done for the day. Join us tomorrow for another crop of misfits that might catch your eye. All the while you are showing up on someone else’s list, where they are looking at your piddly little profile and pictures and saying similar things. However, I doubt they are saying I look like a serial killer. Because I totally don’t.
Have I mentioned that this is frustrating?