You know how they say 13 is an unlucky number? Well, in this case it’s not. It’s lucky. For you!
(717): Gotcha. Well, I’m puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says “love the moment” around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
(515): you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you were gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny.
(727): I’ve been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn’t think I was that drunk but I guess I am.
(570): That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
(570): They’re doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
(478): You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover.
(403): You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn’t lose you if you went pee in the dark.
(870): Don’t make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I’ve been that girl.
(925): I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
(1-925): We just have a real special relationship.
(910): You went to jail last night?!
(1-910): Just a little bit.
(970): I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
(707): I would’ve been fine if I didn’t do the three shots
(1-707): You did like 8.
(310): Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
(316):So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
(1-316):That sounds dangerous
(316): Don’t worry……were wearing oven mits.
(815): I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
(616): Don’t be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
(212): You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
(360): you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
(210):Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
(248): Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
(207): I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup.
(770): the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
(913): The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
(816): Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from.
(859): She’s the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon.
(314): I think mom knows I’m drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
(303): I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
(902): I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there’s no hope for us.
(352):there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
(919): The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers.
(207): She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight.
(+27): Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said “Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!”.
(214): How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
(314): Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
(412): on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
(217): Oh, and she’s that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns.
(508): she vomitted in her champagne, said “fuck it, it’s new years”, and continued drinking.
(281): you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka.
(203): WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS.
(443): I’m in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn’t look so pretty “in these parts”.
(404): I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
(714): im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
(727): Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
(650): lol i’m looking through my photos and there’s this giant section of just dudes wearing murses.
(917): Her stripper name is Geico. I’m not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
(727): Was I really yelling “girls night” at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
(408): Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
(831): You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
(206): I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
(720): You’re the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
(608): not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave.
(503): You’re in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
(637): I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night.
(925): Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
(803): Agreed. That’s like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet.
(918): It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it’s a cash bar?
(920): Just found a note from Saturday that says “rainy soft hair”…. Any ideas?
(319):Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn’t know.
One thought on “Sounds familiar XIII”
Love!! You’re getting better at this… or our friends texts are really being submitted to TFLN.