Oh yeah. I did it. Part 11. On 11-11-11. At 11:11. It’s magical and whatnot.
(512): You kept running up to random groups of people and saying “I’m a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!” and they all listened to you.
(250): Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
(717): You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams.
(310): Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I’d say it was fine.
(610): Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room.
(317): Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
(479): Drunker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me.
(586): and he’s drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship.
(515) Just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it’s hyped up to be.
(202): I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
(410): I knew I liked you
(847): Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I’m adorable. F-ING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
(862) 5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you’re definitely DTF.
(608) I don’t even have to sign up for karaoke there anymore. The karaoke people just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang Stacy’s mom to some lady named Stacy whose mom died yesterday.
(773):I’m gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
(248): I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
(317):when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
(614): He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be “the swiffer” help.
(503) you were crying and trying to give advice to people… that was a new level of drunk for you.
(518) I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals. we figured with all the bacon you eat, you may taste like it. It’s a chance we are willing to take with your life…don’t forget that we love you.
(508): you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
(970) I loved your drunken rendition of “I wanna dance with somebody” you left on my voicemail last night.
(340) $1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
(484) All I remember was you yelling “Look at my little feet” at everyone on the way home from the bar.
(562):The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
(972): What was that guy’s name that you dated that wore the leotard?
(845):No more Irish car bombs ever.
(785): Hold on there are flying pancakes I can’t handle this right now
(612): Also I’d like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
(613) The family I’m sitting with looks like the Addams Family. Except for the daughter. She looks like Shrek.
(812) she’s in the bathroom, spitting in the trashcan, not throwing up. Just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
(1-812) thatta girl
(510) It’ll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
(610) I just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
(330)he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone I threw away.
(703) There was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on…normally I would be OK with this but he was 40…
(763): My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
(859) Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
(618) Just because your phone has a case on it doesn’t mean it will survive a five-story drop out the window.
(518) You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them.
(502) I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
(814) I swear if she hugs me I’m going to bleach my body.
(603) Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
(585): I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus.
(502) All my problems are solved. I just got McDonald’s and scratch-off lottery tickets.