This post is gonna get so many hits

Sometimes I wonder how people get to this site – besides my family and friends who I know have it bookmarked and/or on their RSS feeds so they don’t miss a post.

I make sure to put tags in every post, because I know that draws people and I publicize on social media. But you know how when you put something in on Google and the most random page in the world shows up? Apparently for some searches, that’s me.

A sampling – below are the last 30 days’ most popular search terms and the number of page views said search terms earned me. That sentence is horribly worded.

On a couple of those, I can see what happened. I mentioned them in posts. But they look awfully weird grouped together like this.

Who’d have thought you’d see “reduce stress,” “paris airport,” “prostitutes” and “tiny superheroes” on the same list? Not this girl. But welcome to my blog, weirdos.

Also – where the hell did vegetarian message T-shirts come from?

If we go back to the all-time hits, then it gets really interesting.

When I had a lot of extra free time, I did a blog post every day with something different each day I liked about the Christmas season. One day – on the day it’s supposed to be celebrated, actually – I wrote about Festivus. If you don’t know what it is – Google it. Hell, you’ll probably end up back at this site.

I don’t know why. Maybe there are millions of Seinfeld fans who look for fake holidays, but that silly little post – which I have since taken down to see if it was a fluke – is responsible for more than 550 of my all-time hits on this site. W.T.F.

Then you have the just plain weird ones. More than one person has come looking for the things listed below on my lil’ ol’ blog. Because I am where one comes for all things werewolves, decapitation, lil wayne and bug flew in my nose.

Other things I am the go-to site for? Check out these three gems. This is pulled from my site stats page. I shit you not.

Finally, we’ve got what I call the one-hit wonders, which I will list for you below. With my editorial comments, of course, which are the ones in italics.

there is a moth in my nose don’t inhale.

what kind of bird dive-bombs people in Indiana any kind. on account of they are all dumb

t shit the britney shit the britney? what does that even mean? i feel like it’s probably something dirty.

how do i get someone to stop being mad at me stop shitting the britney

how many elephants are in one family it depends on whether or not that elephant’s parents are mormon

does is hurt to go to the bathroom with appendicitis well. not really when you go number one, but there is no such thing as number two-ing when that appendix needs to get out. if this offends you, you obviously aren’t coming to my blog for the right reasons.

song that sounds like “corn dog” atomic dog? i have no idea

meijer ninja ugh, meijer pisses me off.

cyst cut out of eye no, it wasn’t, thank God. Isis has shrunk, however, so no cutting is necessary at this time.

are their cliff notes for the book nineteen minutes first of all, you spelled “there” wrong. second of all, really?

my appendix always hurts you might just need to poop (two poop references in one post? that alone has got to be worth about 40 hits)

chronicles of narnia prince caspian/coloring pages this totally makes sense cause y’all know I love to talk about Narnia.

Not that I’m immune from weird Googling. I’ll even share a few of my most recent online searches. Because I’m all about the sharing.

“Queen size bunk beds”

“Football illegal shift”

“Chimichurri sauce”

“Teardrop tattoos”

I’ll let you ponder those for a little while. And I think I just saw what next week’s top searches on this site will be.

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