For a good portion of my adult life – I’m counting mainly after college – I’ve had trouble, off and on, with insomnia.
A little over a year ago, when my anxiety was at an all-time high, it was probably the worst it’s been. Lots of late-night TV and Internet roaming for this lady.
During that time, I got on Facebook every so often, wondering if there was anyone else up having the same problems as me that I could talk to. And one name kept showing up on my online friends.
He and I started talking after I told him I noticed we had the same hours. He joked that he was nocturnal and sometimes, a vampire, but it never went beyond that, just the Internet equivalent of a nod of the head every so often when we “saw” each other at the same place at the same time.
I knew him from high school. We weren’t close by any means, it was more of a friend of a friend situation, but we knew who the other was. A while back, we were no longer Facebook friends anymore..though I can’t remember if it was he or I that hit the remove button. We hadn’t talked in a long time and if it was me, that was probably my criteria for a friends-list reduction.
Last night, while looking at my news feed, his name popped up, because another friend was praying for his family. That could mean one of two things, so after a couple messages and reading through his Facebook wall, I found that he’d passed away.
Apparently, from what I heard, his father had passed away earlier this week. He died Thursday or Friday and my fellow vampire wasn’t taking it very well. From what it sounds like, the need for sleep was even stronger now, as I’m imagining he wanted to just check out for a little while and not have to think about what had just happened.
Friday night he took some sleeping pills and on Saturday, he didn’t wake up.
Hearing about this last night broke my heart. And kept me from sleeping until about 3 a.m.
It’s a scary thing, especially as it’s just that easy to no longer be in this world.
Insomnia’s no joke. If it was that easy to just go to sleep, it would happen. People wouldn’t lie awake worrying and thinking and letting their mind take control. They would be able to put all that’s on their hearts and minds away for a while. But a lot of people can’t. And they take medicine for it or do other things to try and make the thoughts just STOP.
But very easily, accidents can happen.
I’m not pretending to know everything involved in this guy’s life and his death this past weekend. But I do know that a year ago, when I couldn’t sleep either, he was the only other person I knew who always seemed to be up.
My heart hurts for his family and his friends and his fiancee, who must be feeling things right now that I can’t imagine.
Last night, when my eyes finally started to close and I was saying my prayers, I made sure to say one for him and for his family. Somehow, I finally got my thoughts to quiet down enough for me to sleep. And for that I am grateful, because for others, it’s not that easy.