So my love affair with Johnny Depp – the Depp that starred in such awesomeness as Edward Scissorhands, Benny and Joon, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, Blow, Sweeney Todd and the FIRST (only the first) Pirates of the Carribbean – is over.
Yep. It was good while it lasted, Johnny, but I can’t do it anymore. With the exception of Sweeney Todd, your movies during the past few years have just gotten progressively worse. I mean, really? Four Pirates movies? I’ll see ’em all, but really you should’ve stopped at the one. Two was bearable and three made me hate Keira Knightley AND Orlando Bloom – the latter of which wasn’t so hard to get to because he sucks so bad in Troy.
I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt. So that’s why, this past weekend, when visiting one of my favorite families in Frankfort, I was beyond down for seeing the new cartoon you do the voice for, Rango.
I expected better from you, sir. I really did. It was lame! It kind of had no plot. And it was an hour too long and the two kids I was with, who really wanted to see the movie, fell asleep during it! I would have too but I drank an entire Pepsi while watching – which I should really learn not to do, but I was thirsty – and had to keep getting up to pee.
It was just…weird. And I’m a fan of cartoons. Despicable Me is one of my all-time favorite cartoons and it just came out last year. So I’ll give them a chance. And I gave you a chance with Rango, Mr. Depp. And you disappointed me.