Things I will not miss about my two weeks of appendicitis-imposed home incarceration, in no particular order:
• Being stuck at home.
• The lack of anything worth watching on daytime TV – see: why I watched almost an entire trial on In Session.
• Looking around my room and wondering how I could re-arrange it but knowing I probably won’t because I’d have to convince someone to help me and this stuff’s heavy.
• The constant noise from the upstairs neighbors who may or may not be doing one or all of the following things, ALL DAY EVERY DAY:
a) re-arranging all their furniture
b) moving their heaviest appliances in and out of their bathroom/shower
c) doing that “Maniac” dance from Flashdance every five minutes in various parts of the apartment
d) trying to get up to 100,000 steps a day on a pedometer, but the catch is, they can’t leave the house
e) practicing gymnastics – if the noises are any indication, their floor routine is killer
f) pretending they’re the giant from Jack in the Beanstalk
g) illegally housing an elephant
• Having the most random sleep schedule I’ve ever had in my life
• The mid-afternoon dance party the kids have in the room that backs up to mine, which wouldn’t be so bad if it didn’t always end up being conveniently during naptime.
• The increasing feeling I need to buy stuff I see on infomercials – did you know there’s this thing that can cook chicken and everything else in 10 minutes?
• Bruise-watch 2K-11, wherein every time I get bored I check to see if the bruises around my stitches have healed anymore.
• Having no one to call/text during the day to entertain me on account of EVERYONE’S AT WORK BUT ME.
• That woman on truTV during the Trial Tracker segment who has a voice like a Muppet, which also wouldn’t be bad, IF SHE WAS A MUPPET.
• Speaking of Muppets, identifying with the ones in that scene in Muppet Treasure Island when they’re all suffering from cabin fever.
Back to work tomorrow. HALLELUJAH.