It’s the third installment that I know you’ve all been waiting for. Not for the Cha Cha Slide – just FYI, the roommate refused to dance to part 2 at Daniel and Katy’s wedding to make his point that he’s still waiting for part 3. No, it’s the third part of the series of posts where I take posts from Texts From Last Night and show you which ones sound like which of my friends.
Here they are. As always, let me know if you agree or disagree with any of them or want to add some of your own. Or, if you’ve read some that you think sound like they could be from me.
Sounds like…the roommate
She is two pictures of Justin Bieber away from being blocked from my newsfeed
I don’t think Brooke has ever known best
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just woke up surrounded by unopened snacks.
I forgot I ate a salad for dinner, so while I was throwing up in the toilet, i kept screaming “I ate leaves?? i can’t believe you let me eat leaves!”
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
And everytime I fart, I feel like in your heart you can hear it
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she’s not a man at the VMAs
Sounds like…someone to Anthony
We went through the McDonald’s drive thru and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You sang “shots, shots, shots” then walked to your top drawer and threw socks everywhere singing “SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!”
Thanks for making me watch you dance provocatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked good
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
-engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate Draco.
Even iPhones love Lady Gaga. Everytime i type haha it trys to correct it to gaga.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album.
just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco while I played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because I thought I lost my phone.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips…like using her chip as a spoon.
Sounds like…CKR (including me)
And I quote: “where’s ya’lls from comin’ in with them accents?” – from a mississippi mcdonald’s
I think i’ve said don’t judge me 10 plus times tonight…is that a bad thing?
don’t judge me.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, “Make sure your glasses and weave are secure”
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed.
Sarcasm needs its own font
i’m drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We went to that German restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind.
ESPECIALLY AFTER THIS WEEKEND…
There is a polo shirt epidemic at the bar. Also, I’m pretty sure I just saw the grown up coppertone baby.
Sounds like…any of my friends, couldn’t narrow it down to just one
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii.
Ash or Katie or Rebeck – if you changed “daughter” to “class”
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT
We walked into the bar in the Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
What ever happened to Devon Sawa?
I’m really worried about him
I just saw some girl with the license plate “OBVIII..” I never wanted to get into a car accident so badly.
I’m 99% sure I saw a werewolf.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter…how many you want?
-All of them.
I’m in the liquor aisle and a 10-year-old boy yells ‘My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?’
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in a fight against lil Wayne and Snoop dogg.
this will be a night to untag.
I think I am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities.
today’s thought: if you’re naming your fb album “wEdDiNg dAy!!!” you’re too young to get married.
just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed…
there’s gonna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on MTV..WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i know I should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelled “suicidal” wrong.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as ‘tim the tool man show.’ People born after 1990 are not people.
I hate cats. They’re so curious. It’s not their damn business.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here
Mario Lopez in the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he just spelled fiance “pheancie.” i don’t think he’s ready to get married.
i actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I hate you. I’m listening to Lady gaga and I can hear is boca base om om om ommmmmmmm
There is an asian family here. I heard the mom call her son onyong.
Life just isn’t the same without real world cancun
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life
I feel like every car around me knows I’m driving in my snuggie.
A lady just asked me if you “seat yourselves” here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 minutes.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it’s not Zach Morris.’ I no longer believe in true love.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better…I gave it an A+
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
OMG A WOMAN’S PROSTHETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Have you learned any life lessons?
-I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He kept yelling “osteoporosis” and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.