Isis the Eye Cyst

I’ve worn contacts since the summer after fifth grade. Before that I wore glasses. I will NEVER get Lasik surgery because, oh, I don’t know, I have an aversion to needles. Especially when they are coming DIRECTLY AT MY EYE. There are not enough drugs in the world…

I have a fairly strong stomach, I think. Not a whole lot really grosses me out. But show somebody stabbed in the eye or missing an eye or that part in Pirates of the Caribbean when that pirate puts his wooden eye back in its socket and – ew. I think I just developed a twitch.

Anyway. I tell you those stories to tell you this bit of information. I have this thing. On my eye. It’s been there about a month. At first I thought it was a pimple. Or a chunk of mascara in my eye. Or a mosquito bite (yeah right, it’s felt like December outside since what, a week ago?) So. I don’t know what it is but it’s probably deadly. Or will probably make me go blind. Not really. I don’t think. My mom said it was a cyst and I believe her because a) she’s always right…no, seriously. I called her once when I was sick and told her my symptoms and she told me I had bronchitis. Then I had to go to the doctor and spend 30 bucks for them to tell me the same thing, just so I could get the meds. I could save so much money if only my mom could write prescriptions… OH and b) because I’m a hypochondriac, remember?

And I could go to the eye doctor and get that information confirmed or denied, but that involves making an appointment. And the possibility that someone will have to touch my eyeball. In which case I will throw up on their shoes. So, for now, I’m embracing it. Thus, the name I gave it. Isis is the goddess of something motherhood, magic and fertility. Thanks, Wikipedia. Isis is also the name of the first transgender contestant on America’s Next Top Model – yeah I watch good shows. Neither of these are the reasons I named it what I did. It’s because if you say “eye cyst” it sounds like “Isis” and I’m all about simplicity, which, Wikipedia told me, is something else Isis is the goddess of. SEE? IT’S MEANT TO BE.

Eventually I’ll get it looked at, I guess. Because I don’t want to end up having to wear an eye patch. Or have to get something cut out of/off my eye – yeah I’m totally gonna have nightmares about this tonight. But for now I guess I’ll just keep doing what I’ve been doing – touching my eyelid about 20 times a day to see if it’s gone away yet (which is probably not good for it either) and refraining from looking up eye cysts on WebMD. Because you know that won’t end well.