Property owner

No, I didn’t buy a house. But I do own two pieces of land. Islands, in fact. They’re kind of close together, but most of the time they’re moving and they’re farther apart. Oh, and they have the same name – Bone Island.

Before you get your mind all in the gutter, a bone island is a legitimate thing. I had never heard of one, though, until last year. And then one showed up on an X-ray I had last year on my right elbow.

The X-ray was because I never got the right shoes for working at a restaurant and walked around the corner one day outside the kitchen with cups in each of my hands and proceeded to fall, hip and elbow first onto the slippery wooden floor. Um, and it was in front of an ENTIRE RESTAURANT FULL OF PEOPLE. So, that was awesome.

Being the natural hypochondriac that I am, when I saw an egg-looking round circle on the X-ray of my elbow, I immediately thought it meant I was dying. Turns out, the things are usually benign. USUALLY. Told you. Hypochondriac. The doctor said just to pay attention to it and if I noticed it was hurting, to come back and and they’d take a look at it.

Don’t tell a hypochondriac that.

So far it hasn’t bothered me too much, but all the sudden recently I’ve had random aches in BOTH my elbows sometimes that I’m trying to explain away as something else. See: carpal tunnel, tennis elbow (even though I don’t play tennis), an old softball injury or the fact that I’ve been sleeping pretty hard lately, usually with most of my body lying on one of my arms.

We’ll say it’s one of those, because I’m trying to cure this whole hypochondria thing – I haven’t told anyone I think I have appendicitis when it’s really a cramp in at least three years – but it’s kind of hard to ignore the fact that the islands are acting up as we speak and it kind of hurts to be typing right now.

And with that, I’m gonna go try not think about the fact that I have painful elbows that may or may not be home to their own islands. Oh, and also that thing on my eye that could be anything from a pimple to an Oreo crumb from that Minute To Win It game I played on Derby.