Texts From Last Night is maybe one of the funniest Web sites I’ve ever seen in my whole life. It never fails to make me laugh or make a face or occasionally think “hmm, this one sounds like it could by from one of my friends.”
So here they are, some of the favorites from the TFLN site that I’ve marked to either read back to my friends, look at when I need a laugh, or to do what I’m doing right now – let you know which ones sound like they could totally be from myself or someone I know. 🙂
Some sound like texts I’ve gotten from my best friends and sisters, some sound like actual conversations we’ve had when we were together. Some I can’t pin on just one person because my friends have a similar sense of humor. But I picked all of these because they sounded like things at least one – if not several – of my friends would send or say.
READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
Sounds like…CKR (including me)
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
Pledge alligien to american to united states of america.
You just took four shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of the 2pac songs on my ipod.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me Tyler Perry is funny.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to McDonalds.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5 a.m. to come and take us to Waffle House?
OMG. There’s definitely a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at Walmart holding a sign that reads “I can’t behave”
There’s a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a Miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We’re microwaving frozen margaritas, it’s not the same without you.
Is it sad that whenever I need to spell “independent” I still sing that one rap song?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Turns out I still hate Jay Leno, even at 10 p.m.
(To Anthony) You said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
(To Anthony) You washed your face with toilet water last night..I tried to stop you but you wouldn’t have it.
(To Anthony) So just in case you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there – you came home at 7 a.m., put ice in a cup – then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you “wanted water”. you then fell down the stairs while saying “you don’t know me” then crawled to the couch.
Sounds like…CKR or Jennifer
I’m glad we only fight about serious things like The Hills and Disney Scene It.
Sounds like…Rebecca, Ashley or Katie (all my teacher friends)
I mean I stumbled out of the club yelling at random people “I’m going to teach your kids someday!!”
Sounds like…Rebecca or Katie
This guy just used the pickup line “God must have spent a little more time on you.” I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth with I was sleeping.
This only because I am remembering this one time at Rock The Bottle…haha..when she had a combination of what I believe was Natty Light and some other cheap beer and she said she felt like she had a redneck in her throat.
I ate one of your animal crackers. Just one. Ok four. But no frosting. OK frosting.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook – it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I always forget that Thursday isn’t the weekend in the real world.
What is TOTES MAGOTES in Spanish?
Oh great. Kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. Go us.
I know you’re sleeping, sorry for waking you but I just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch.
He has that cheese in a can and he’s eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I have a food baby. I think it’s a boy.
Sounds like…Rachel or Anthony
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
People will do anything to get on MTV. Like get pregnant.
I just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest..I love Kentucky.
Don’t go back without me..they’ll know I’m pooping.
The smartest thing I’ve heard Obama do is call Kanye West a jackass.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
The karaoke bar doesn’t have electric avenue. I’ll just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue.
I ate two chicken nuggets and puked out 5. That doesn’t even make mathematical sense.
I just sneezed and it tasted like Taco Bell.