Deena from Jersey Shore says that. The Roommate hates it.
I think by “best” she means favorite, and I know I’m right because I have relatives in New Jersey so I can speak the language. Clarification – my relatives in Jerz have nothing to do with Jersey Shore in any way, shape or form. And I’m really just guessing about the “best” stuff.
Anyways. My new best thing? This blog: #whatshouldwecallme
So funny. So great. I need to learn how to make gifs.
There have been a couple of weeks in the past month that have tested my ability to handle my anxiety. Which, looking back, was not that big of a deal, but in the midst of it, I’d never have understood.
Better now – very much so. And the things in this blog may have had a little to do with that.
I’ve written about smiley things before, and now it’s time for some more of them. What’s making me happy these days, in no particular order.
This kid: It’s an old video but I love watching it every time. Good motivation, whether you’re trying to learn to ride a bike or not. You will get the hang of it, I know it!
I love finding stuff like this..some of the things people come up with are amazing.
Insomnia + anxiety is best explained.
I wish I could figure out how to do something like this, it would make me much happier about having Facebook Timeline…
For font snobs like me: Seriously, this is the worst font ever.
The book I’m reading right now is going to be a movie this summer. And it’s about vampires. And I am convinced it will be awesome. Suck it, Twilight.
Instagram rocks my world. Here’s a few of the pics I’ve taken recently and the list for the “photo a day” challenge I’ll be taking part in next month because I’m that addicted, you guys.
Pictures of animals with captions in all caps. AMAZING.
Bein crafty – I’m about to make some awesome stuff in the next few weeks. It’s stuff that doesn’t really require me to be good at crafts! Because I’m not!
Mom and the little sisters and me painted some pottery. I made an ice cream dish. Because if there is one thing I cannot live without, it’s Moose Tracks Ice Cream.
I got this awesome shirt last week.
It’s from BustedTees.com. One of these may or may not be purchased next.
Prints made out of words. My future home might have a wall full of these.
As if I would kick this important week off with anything else…
Sounds like…Me
(850): Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
(610): I think she’s perpetually drunk
(484): It’s all she knows.
(484): Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
(732): No, I did. It’s a long story.
(484): they paper machayed me.
(215): i told you … never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
(520): Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don’t remember this.
(803): happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing.
(571): How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
(832): He’s just giving off this “someone be a bitch to me” vibe.
(610): My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and “I don’t give a shit”
(1-610): Aren’t they always?
(817): I should know better than to trust a man I’ve seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
(712): We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me.
(310) I do. There’s a bald-headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I’ve only had 2 beers.
(336) why am i a bad person? you were the one trying to get epode to eat tape.
(678) stop it. you sound like you’re giving birth.
(703) Last night was so much fun. I kept trying to lick everyone.
(401) I just puked in a plastic bag at a red light, go me.
(705) I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projectile vomit. make it happen.
Sounds like…Rachel
(512): I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
(1-512): I don’t know if I should be concerned or impressed.
(215): It’s like the bermuda triangle of cat puke.
(304): you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras.
(850): I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
(760): I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
(785): Um…any recollection of peeing in the pantry.
(541): I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue.
(801): Ya he’s alive. Apparently he’s been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
(585): Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
(314): I’m in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
(309): Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
(925): Ahahhahaha I’m not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday.
(401): remind to leave next time the words “tequila” and “challenge” are shouted.
(316): I just threw up over a bridge. I didn’t even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
(219) just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest because he didn’t like the other guy’s shirt.
(614) woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 a.m. on a tuesday morning = best commute ever
(914) I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote.
Sounds like…Sami
(573): Mcdonalds hasn’t even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
(574): It’s 10AM, she’s drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you’ve got to be effing kidding me.
(306): We’re bowling with a frozen turkey in the hallway…ur missing out.
(919): I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
(949): ‘Well you know, stuff happens’ isn’t really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear.
(517) wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
(405) grape juice and vodka is not wine
(860) So two questions…why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
(760) We walked in and the first thing we heard was “OH SHIT! White chicks!” Naturally I made some new male friends.
(505) The last thing I remember was convincing you to hide in the fridge and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Sounds like…Jennifer
(763): It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language.
(314): I just tried to text you by typing “whoa” into my contacts.
(814): What should we drink tonight, I’m in the mood to be judged.
(406): I defriended her. I just can’t support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
(507): I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
(757): I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil.
(910): I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up.
(315): Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
(707): At one point last night I over heard you say ” I’m gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat” I LOVE YOU.
(914): I’m in charge of his party but you’re a paramedic, we’re both needed.
(208) please don’t make me drink to the titanic soundtrack.
(260): DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER.
Sounds like…Liz
(770): Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
(303): So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
(312): And maybe a life coach?
(201): He’s cheating on her.
(973): Are you sure it wasn’t her?
(201): I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn’t change her face in the past two months; its her.
(403): I’m going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
(303): Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw.
(678): You played “let it burn” by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah…That drunk.
(814): I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there’s no need to say “Happy Valentine’s Day.”
(516): Maybe tomorrow I’ll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here’s hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you.
(843): God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
(724): Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS.
(403): And then you proceeded to sneak behind the bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
(412): I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness.
(870): Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
(1-870): I’m going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That’s when all the cat pictures come.
(781): And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
(518) I just sneezed alcohol into a candle and started a fire
(416) bitches at mcdonalds actin like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before.
(443) my #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden.
(415) just learned how to deliver a baby, the things I saw tonight cannot be unseen.
Sounds like…Caitlin
(405): It’s ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren’t saving them for a special occasion.
(570): I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
(484): tell her thanks so much.
(952): Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
(608): It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes.
(231): Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself.
(908): I’ve decided I’m gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
(843): I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
(714): She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
(802): I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
(303) it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science. and free alcohol.
(319) nothing says happy birthday jesus like a shot with your loved ones
Sounds like…Anthony
(201): We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
(864): He looks like he’d be great Lego character.
(704): So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning…
(713): Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
(203): I pulled some girls weave trying to pull the stop cord on the bus.
(724): I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
(205): I kind of feel like BP. I’m dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
(248): Please be advised that because of last year’s “incident” we will no be starting St. Pat’s day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
(541): You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing… then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it… i’d say it was a successful birthday.
(401): I tried to sit on a barstool last night…it was an open trashcan.
(360) not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, I also got kicked out of denny’s. I didn’t even know that was possible.
(415) I was so drunk I thought Kathy Griffin was funny.
I guess you could say I’ve got a somewhat regular babysitting gig these days, in that when a certain set of parents goes out of town, their kids ask for me to be the one that gets paid to hang out with them.
Not that I mind, I babysit for the coolest, greatest kids ever. True story.
One of them, Will, who you’ve already heard about and I’m sure will again, is one of the funniest people I know. Most of it is unintentional.
Like the other night he kept using air quotes when he’d say things. Like, (air quotes) I have to go to the bathroom. (end air quotes) Or (air quotes) I’m gonna have a breakfast bar. (end air quotes)
I asked him what it meant when you did that with your fingers while you were talking and he said “You do that when you don’t really care about what you’re saying.”
Close enough.
That whole meat-free thing? Still going strong. Well, correction, not strong, because Friday night I got a whiff of a McDonald’s hamburger and I know they’re horrible but for about 40 minutes I really missed them.
I only was near McDonald’s because that’s where I took my favorite six-year-old, Will, to dinner while babysitting him. Usually I’ve got him and his sister, Claire, who is seven, but she had plans tonight so it was just me and the little dude.
You guys, he’s one of the funniest people I know. And it’s 98-percent unintentional. I love talking to kids and asking them serious questions to see what their answers will be because they’re always funny. And usually when I’m with Will, I post them on Twitter at some point (follow me, if you like, my Tweets are near the top righthand corner of this page).
Well, Friday night was no exception and he had a lot of good ones – from wondering why I was a grown-up woman and not married (he had suggestions for who) – to telling me “I don’t care for them” (them being onions, but he talks like a 40-year-old sometimes).
One of my favorite conversations of the evening, however, happened when we were talking about getting his dinner at McDonald’s. I told him I wasn’t eating a burger like he was because I’m a vegetarian, kind of, but I just eat fish, no meats or chicken or anything like that.
His response? “I’m that, too, a vegetarian, except I only eat steaks, but no chicken or fish.”
I feel that I am not being taken seriously in my endeavors..by a six-year-old anyway… #pescetarianproblems
True story – I use Twitter more than Facebook these days. I prefer it. Granted there are still awesome things about Facebook, but my attention span has dwindled to the point that Twitter’s good enough for me. Late-stage ADD, if you will.
And sometimes it takes over my life. Like, when The Roommate and I text each other and use hashtags… #itshappened
Or when I see something outside of Twitter and comment as a hashtag, with my voice.
For example. A few weeks ago, someone I know mentioned they were really getting burnt out on eating at an expensive restaurant. My reply? First world problems.
That’s a hashtag. And if you don’t know what a hashtag is, well then that’s why you shouldn’t get a Twitter account, Dad.
I’m not the only one who does this. I’ve seen it/heard it/gotten it in a text from other people.
But back to the First World Problems.
Someone had the genius (I’m being serious, actually) idea to make a video of 100 of them. And it’s amazeballs.
Which reminds me…I’m totally writing a post full of first world problems…..
There are at least three on here that I believe the person I said it sounds like has actually sent. Seriously.
Sounds like… Me
(603): He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
(605): You were throwing up and said, “Wipe my face, I must look presentable at all times.”.
(705): You hid from a cop under some guy’s canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work.
(830): No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted “JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT” and everyone started doing them with her.
(570): Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like “pencil sharpener.” Damn rosetta stone.
(716): i looked at my phone & had a message that said “tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath.” I give you props.
(715): How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I’m anxious about it.
(406): Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift.
(717): Leave the bottle at home cause either way I’m not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
(1-717): Gold star for you, but I’m on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
(304): The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I’d take care of my friends puke.
(304) I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
(507) Dear everyone. As mark stated I did the ‘piss n run’ last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. “If I could turn back time” – cher
(916) I told you I would drunk text you sometime… it’s that time.
(724) I’m drunk and confused. there might be a four-year-old here.
(512) he said something along the lines of “fish can smell fear.”
Sounds like… Rachel
(478): He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
(678): Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out “I don’t have AIDS”.
(406): K, so let’s go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea.
(519): He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
(283): He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score though.
(805): Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases… and like 30 people drank it all?
(313): Everything hurts.
(703): No. I’m wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me.
(269) I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. stay tuned.
(401) I just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love october.
(267) your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats.
(773) why didn’t you say something constructive, like, “Stop chugging that vodka”?
Sounds like… Sami
(+44): you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
(404): my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
(513): Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled “2010″ on it from you in the mail?
(508) help help how do I get him away from me should I talk in a robot voice or something
(859) they seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. i love college.
(+44) Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future.
Sounds like… Anthony
(570): Chicken wings don’t come back up an through your nose as easily as you’d think.
(781): I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
(860): I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs.
(936): You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper’s clevage and said “Keep this warm for me.
(734) if my nicknames are based on what i throw up, you can call me Jimmy John’s.
(804) I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. fuck a serving size
(610) you’re the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I’m OK.
Sounds like… Jennifer
(330): Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
(406): You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
(1-406): That literally makes no sense
(406): Exactly.
(306): Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
(724): Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy’s in the shitter.
(506): Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident.
(501): You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I’m wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a “Puke Me Pretty” Barbie.
(304) call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sounds like… Liz
(808): Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
(412): I made a Wendy’s employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night.
(216): I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair.
(780): let’s see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING.
(503): Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol.
(910): Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst… Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it’s obsession with chewing on cardboard…. Time for a nap.
(919): I have been drinking since 2. And I’m now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna’s helping.
(614): Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar.
(217) win + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
(914) There’s a girl in my class named “La-a” pronounced “Luh Dash uh” I hate everyone.
(515) you ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune and 1 deal or no deal ….by yourself with sound effects and music included.
(831) tequila shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better.
Sounds like…Sammi
(609) we tried to pick out bridesmaids dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think I’ve said before that perspective is a hell of a thing. Life could be much worse and luckily, it’s not. That said, I’m not apologizing for my recent melodrama because it was the truth of what I was feeling at the time.
Now, having come out of it – and having taken a serious metaphorical chill pill – there’s less to worry about and more to be happy about.
Wanna know what’s making me smile lately?
I knew you would.
• Zee Avi’s Concrete Wall – Not the official video, but it’s got Kermit in it and it’s an awesome song.
• Bookshelves that are overflowing. I’m never getting a Kindle. Well. Maybe. Currently reading: “Thunderstruck” by Erik Larson.
• Shameless on Showtime. Thank you, Roommate and new channels with Insight Cable.
• Photography jobs – kind of. I’ve completed one photo session with one of my favorite engaged couples for their Save-The-Dates and I have another shoot next weekend. Add that to the possibility of a third as well as being asked to bring my camera and shoot some stuff at the bf’s beach wedding and you have one happy – and busy – budding photographer girl.
• THE HUNGER GAMES MOVIE COMES OUT IN A MONTH. Sorry for the caps, but now that HP is done, I have to have a new series to get hyped about.
• A kid that wakes up dancing to rap music. This is my future child.
• Good blogs/bloggers. They make me want to be a better writer and photographer. To be craftier. Here’s a few ladies (and a gent) to follow. Kelle Hampton at Enjoying The Small Things, Heather Armstrong at Dooce and John and Sherry at Young House Love & Young House Life.
• Movie previews. There are lots of movies I wanna see.
Like this.
And this.
And this.
And this.
• This picture:
Today is Sam I Am’s birthday. Here she is:
Isn’t she beautiful?
In her honor, I thought I’d make a list of just some of the things I like about her. Ready, set, go!
1. She will have car dance parties and sing at the top of her lungs with me.
2. She teaches me things. Like German: “Der hund schvimpt.” (The dog swims).
3. She will watch Muppet Treasure Island with me.
4. Sometimes we hold hands and it’s nice because she always has baby-soft hands.
5. She’s going to probably live in a foreign country at some point in her life for an indeterminate amount of time so I’ll get to go visit her and have a free place to stay.
6. She got me a book for Christmas to fill with lists.
7. She’s worse than me at crafts.
8. She likes to look at baby shoes with me at Target even when we have no babies to buy them for.
9. She appreciates Saturday Night live videos that I do, like this one: German Coats
10. She’s a nerd.
I could go on. And on. And on. But then what would I write about for her next birthday?
Happy birthday, Cheesebob. Love you!
I have experienced three “SPRING BREAK (FILL IN THE YEAR) BITCHES!!!!” in my lifetime. Two of those I have been able to experience with one of my bestest friends in the world, Sammi.
I’d tell you about those trips but that’s classified information. What happens in Florida, stays in Florida, except for those alcohol flashbacks.
Case in point, Sammi, several months after one of those trips: “My mouth tastes like Spring Break.”
